


Angels of Atlas

by Moosebrawn



Series: Atlas [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Daryl and Judith bond, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Lori Lives, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, On the Run, Pack Family, Post-Season/Series 02 AU, Protective Daryl, Sophia Lives, nomads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 20:47:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 40,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2243007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moosebrawn/pseuds/Moosebrawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth tries to integrate herself into life at the prison after travelling the Georgia wilds with only Lori, Sophia, Judith, and Daryl for over a year. She finds that there are some things you really can't come back from.</p><p>(Old Summary, which had a lot more to do with the story when I first started writing it but is now only slightly relevant: They didn't have a lot of time to think about what it could mean. Beth just knew that babies were always, always, always a blessing, and that living in the apocalypse meant blessings were few and far between.)</p><p>Part two of the Atlas Series, but you don't need to read the first one to understand it. Just know that Carol died, Sophia lived, and Daryl has taken her under his wing. Set about a year-and-a-half after the flee from the Greene farm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Atlas Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
> 
> \- T. S. Elliot

"When are they gonna be back?" Lori sighed, peering through the boarded up window of their latest hideout. It'd been a nice find. Someone had boarded the windows before they left, and when they had, they'd left it relatively clean. At least, the little shack hadn't been filled with the lingering scent of decay. Beth was glad for the brief stroke of luck.

"In a hurry to leave?" Beth groused, watching carefully as Asskicker chewed on one of Sophia's arrows. The other girl wouldn't be happy to find tooth marks on her weapons, but both Beth and Lori knew better than to take something away from the baby girl. Daryl had spoiled her rotten, and she was likely to start howling if denied one of her 'toys'. Especially since she'd started teething. They'd all been so excited to see that first tooth poking out of Asskicker's gums, but the novelty had quickly worn off, and months later, had still not renewed itself.

While Beth might not have appreciated their youngest's mood, she could easily forgive it. The poor baby had been cooped up more and more lately as a result of her increased mobility. Gone were the days that she could lie out on a blanket in the grass while Beth and Lori did the laundry. She had to be held or else locked inside when they had the means. Somewhere she couldn't wander into unkind hands or hungry jaws.

They'd seen their fair share of both, and the thought settled in Beth's heart like a cuckoo bird, growing and growing until there was no more room for any hope or joy. It left her feeling barren and weak, and a pang of loss shot through her as she remembered what it had been like to feel  _safe._ The last time she'd felt that had been long before Asskicker was born. Probably before she'd even met Lori.  


It'd been a long time since Beth had taken a moment to miss the farm, but when those moods hit, they hit hard. It didn't matter that she'd spent her childhood dreaming of getting away from it. The truth was, it wasn't the farm itself that she missed. Not really. She missed her daddy and sister. She missed her mother and her brother. She missed waking up and just staying in bed a while longer because she knew her daddy would yell at her to get out of bed before she  _really_ needed to start getting ready. There were a lot of things she missed about her old life, and in these crazy times, the farm had become the pinnacle of normalcy in her mind. When she thought of life before the Turn, she thought of her daddy's farm.

"There they are," Lori sighed, obviously relieved. At Beth's questioning glance, she was quick to add, "All clear. Open up."

Beth plucked Sophia's arrow out of Asskicker's grasp and quickly wiped it on her pants before replacing it in the girl's spare quiver. She grabbed up the baby girl before she could get to howling and murmured soothing words into her little ear. "Big Bear's back now, Asskicker," Beth cooed, unbolting the door and cautiously pushing it open. Asskicker squealed gleefully when she saw Daryl and Sophia making their way up the barely-there path.

"Shut that thing up!" Daryl snarled, his eyes darting around their little clearing.

"Nothing's around," Sophia said with certainty. That was all it took to get him to relax, most of the time, but he'd been a bit antsy lately. Beth guessed it had something to do with the quickly approaching winter. The second winter they'd see since leaving the farm, and the first they'd have to get Asskicker through while she was outside of Lori's body.

So Beth understood when Sophia's assurances didn't set him at ease the way they usually did, and she didn't protest when Daryl swept past her without a second glance instead of stopping to coo at Asskicker and give her a smile. It was just his way, and it made Beth appreciate him even more, because it was when he was brooding that you could really tell Daryl Dixon cared. He was just trying to take care of them.

"How did things go?" Lori asked, clear question in her eyes.

"No sign of them yet," Daryl sighed, falling onto the little cot in the corner of the room and letting his arm fall over his eyes. "Scout's right, though. We ought'a get a little closer to the farm before we start lookin' too hard for them."

Scout. It was what he called Sophia. What they'd  _all_ called her, on occasion. The name certainly suited her, considering the way she traveled so lightly on her feet, always a few paces ahead of them so she could see all danger before it saw  _them_. Daryl hadn't liked it at first, but it soon became clear that she was quite capable of looking after herself, at least long enough for Daryl to catch up if she  _really_ needed help. Beth wasn't too surprised by it, really. Sophia had looked up to Daryl from the start, always watching and learning and picking up every skill from him she could. And when they'd found an old compound bow in a house they'd looted, Daryl had started teaching her to use  _that_ , too. She'd quickly surpassed him in that department, much to Beth and Lori's amusement. Daryl had grumbled at them for their laughter, claiming that he'd never practiced much with compound bows, anyway, and that he much preferred his crossbow. Beth didn't blame him. She'd tried the bow, too, and had quickly decided she liked her knife much better. Less fiddly.

"Bee!" Asskicker whined, reaching desperately for Daryl and shaking Beth out of her thoughts. "Bee! Bee bee!" the baby insisted, making Beth grin. Daryl had given them their nicknames, and they'd given one to Daryl. Asskicker still couldn't say Big Bear, but she was slowly learning.

Daryl let his arm fall away from his eyes and looked over to the baby, still squirming in Beth's arms. "She been fussy today?" he wondered, holding out his arms for the little girl. Beth gladly handed her over, watching as their protector settled Asskicker on his chest, where she could pull at his beard as she was wont to.

"Not too bad," Lori said quickly, shooting Beth a sharp look. Beth didn't have to be told twice. They wouldn't mention Asskicker's chew toy of choice. What Sophia didn't know wouldn't hurt her, at least in this case. Beth looked over at the younger girl, noticing how quiet she'd been. She usually had something to say about the outing, even if she hadn't brought anything back. Today, Sophia leaned against the door with a cloudy, contemplative look on her face.

"Everything okay, Scout?" Beth asked, scooting closer to her friend and pressing against the girl's side. She'd grown quite a bit since they met, and while Beth was still a bit taller, there were days when she felt almost  _small_ next to her friend. She knew Sophia was younger than her, but Beth had always felt on even ground with her. They'd become impossibly close during the winter, talking about their old lives and their favorite bands and which classes they liked or hated, and often about boys, because Beth had just about as much experience as the twelve-year-old. _  
_

Now, Beth found herself pushing closer to the younger girl for strength, because though Beth was proficient at running and hiding and facing down walkers, Sophia positively  _breathed_ survival and living and warmth. Sometimes, Beth just needed to feel the other girl's skin, her heartbeat. There was something very comforting about knowing Sophia was alive.

Sophia didn't answer at first. She simply gripped Beth's searching hand in her own and turned to look at the older girl, blue eyes meeting in silent communication. She wasn't worried, so Beth relaxed a little bit at that. But there was still something uneasy in Sophia's gaze, and it bothered her even if it wasn't a threat to their survival.

"I just wonder what it will be like... when we see them again," Sophia said at last, choosing her words carefully. Beth understood at once.  _If_ they saw them again. Who would be there? What kind of state would they be in? Would they even recognize each other through the thick layer of dirt that coated all five members of their little pack?

She must've said that last part out loud, because Daryl laughed.

"Reminds me, Scout found us a river nearby. Can get some washin' done tomorrow morning before we head out," he said to us, lifting Asskicker above his head. "Good Lord. What're ya feedin' this girl, Mama Bear?"

"Whatever you and Scout bring back," Lori shot back severely, a smile tugging at her lips. "She just gets it in a slightly different method."

Daryl snorted. "Slightly," he said to Asskicker with a knowing look. Beth and Sophia giggled.

"She's gettin' so big," Beth breathed, releasing Sophia's hand so that she could move closer to the girl. Beth adored Asskicker. Even after being in such close quarters with the cranky baby all day long, she still couldn't get enough of the little girl. Everything about her called on something deep inside of Beth, and just looking at the girl made her mind scream with the need to protect and love and care for their charge. She was enchanted by the child, and she knew without a doubt that she wanted one of her own. _  
_

"She has a ways to go," Daryl sighed, bringing the baby back down to his chest and curling his arms protectively around her. Beth hovered nearby, not wanting to break the moment, but aching to be a part of it. Lori would never interfere when Daryl was holding her daughter. They all knew Daryl's time with Asskicker was precious, and that he had a special bond with the little girl he'd named himself. But Beth often found herself straying close to the pair in their quiet time, wanting to share Asskicker's happy gurgles and Daryl's favorable smiles.

Daryl huffed as he sat up, handing Asskicker off to Lori and scooping his crossbow. "I'll take first watch," he said to the room at large, as though he still needed to. He  _always_ took the first watch. They never questioned it. "I'll wake you 'round midnight, Mama Bear. Moonshine can take the predawn." His sharp blue eyes settled on Sophia. "Get some sleep, Scout. Been a long day." _  
_

"You got it, Big," Sophia yawned, taking his place on the cot and curling into a little ball. Daryl patted her ankle and leaned down to kiss Asskicker's head before ambling outside. Lori slid onto the floor with Asskicker in her lap and tried to calm the fussing girl.

"Want me to take her, Mama Bear?" Beth wondered, holding out her arms for the squirming girl. Lori waved her away, clearly intending to nurse her daughter. It only took a few minutes of boredom before Beth decided to go and see if Daryl wanted company. She slipped out the door and closed it carefully behind her, mindful of the awful creak the thing had. Of course, it still made Daryl twitch as it swung shut, but they'd long gotten passed the point where Daryl would snip at them for such things, so long as he wasn't in too sour of a mood.

Beth still remembered the days when she wasn't sure if he'd even be there when they woke up. When they'd first fled the farm and lost track of the rest of the group and her family, she'd been very afraid of the man in front of her. He'd been aloof and unfriendly, and there had been times when she was sure he was just waiting for a chance to dump them on the side of the road. But as the weeks stretched on by and she saw the little and big things he did to keep them safe and fed, Beth started to realize what a good man he was. She started to see how good he was to them -- to young Sophia, to pregnant and frightened Lori, and to  _her_. Beth had grown to love him just as much as she loved Daddy and Maggie, and she knew he cared for them, too. It was especially apparent when he was holding Asskicker or teaching something to Sophia, but Beth saw it in the way he treated her, too.

It had been hard to spot, at first. He obviously adored their two youngest, and it was easy to tell when he was trying to make Lori happy, considering the amount of soaps that found their way into her pack when she was in a particularly foul mood. But Beth hadn't realized he'd been showing her favor for the longest time, until almost four months into their flight from the farm. They'd already started heading north by then, and things were getting colder and colder every single day.

Beth remembered the day quite clearly. He'd settled them in a treehouse a few miles from a little town for the day and gone ahead to scout alone. The wind had raked right through them all day, and they'd been unable to warm up at all, despite the way they were huddled together. She remembered being miserable, and then catching sight of him making his way back to them. He'd led them to a little house with it's backdoor to the woods and wasted no time in starting up a fire in the grate. Beth had wanted nothing more than to curl up near the hearth and shiver until she fell asleep, but Daryl had other ideas.

" _Come and see this, blondie_ ," he'd said. Back then, he hadn't yet given her the nickname of Moonshine. He just called her blondie, and she'd hated it but didn't want to correct him for fear of rousing his ever-present anger.

He'd led her into the kitchen, and there were a few canned goods on the table that he'd obviously pulled out while scouting the place, but that didn't stick out to her. It wasn't something he'd've called her away to point out.

" _What is it?_ " she'd asked, looking around as if the boogey man would pop out any moment. And he'd waited just a second longer before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a little metal box and placing it in her hands. Beth remembered shaking it and hearing a low, rumbling chuckle at the action. " _It's empty?_ "

" _Open it_."

She had, and inside was a fiddly little mass of springs and screws and something that looked like a spool of thread attached to a metal comb. Beth couldn't make heads or tails of it, until she realized it was welded to the side of the box. After that, it hadn't taken long for her to find the little wind-up on the outside of the box, and she'd turned it until her fingers stung at it wouldn't go any further. When she released it, the tinny sound of Fur Elsie floated through the chilly air.

" _It's a music box_ ," Beth had said, feeling a sort of magic steel over her as they stood surrounded by the tune. The firelight from the next room flickered on the white walls and pale cabinets, and the moon shone brightly through the window over the dusty sink. She'd looked up at him with a new respect, a new appreciation, a new love, and  _that_ was when she'd decided he didn't hate her. That was when she decided he was family, he was  _hers_ , and they would get through this world together. All four of them.

"It's getting colder again," Beth murmured, still lost in the chill of that night. She sat down beside Daryl on the porch of their little shack and drew her knees up to her chest. Daryl grunted in agreement. "But now that we're further south again, the winter shouldn't get too bad, should it?" He didn't answer. "Of course, we all agree you made the right call. The cold slows the walkers down, and we couldn't have Lori running around the way she would've if we were down here bein' chased around by them."

He grunted again, his head dipping down in a nod this time. There was tension in his shoulders, though. It was something she'd learned to recognize over the past year, and not something she cared to let fester. Still, Beth knew well enough not to pry too much.

"Maybe..." he began slowly, hesitantly, "Maybe we shoulda stayed a little longer. Until Asskicker's teeth come in and she's not so fussy. Been hard tryin'a dodge all these walkers with her. There was less in the mountains. Maybe we shoulda waited."

Beth had wondered the same thing. It had taken a lot of convincing to get Lori to leave the area the year before, knowing her husband and son were still out there somewhere. In the end, though, when they'd finally found a place to settle for the winter, the older woman had agreed that their migration had been for the best. They'd  _all_ agreed it was for the best, and that they'd head back down again the following year to try and find the people they'd left behind.  _We'll wait until the little asskicker is here and then head out, alright?_ Daryl had said to them. And they'd  _all_ agreed, but now Beth wondered why they thought a baby would be any easier than a pregnant woman, and there was still another part of her that wondered why they'd left in the first place.

It  _had_ been a good call. Tactical. It had kept them safe and relatively warm during the coldest parts of winter. Beth wouldn't dispute that. But they would've been okay no matter what happened, as long as they'd had each other. They'd been back on the open road again for a while now, and it'd taken some getting used to again, but they were okay. They could've been doing this the whole time.

And then Beth had to smile when she thought of finding Daddy and Maggie, and how close they could be to seeing them again. It didn't sting so much anymore to wonder about them. Beth missed them, but she had another family, too. She had her sister Sophia and their Mama Bear Lori and their little Asskicker, who she sometimes thought of as her own despite knowing she was Lori's. She was sure Daryl felt the same way.

"I want a baby," she said after a moment, forgetting the conversation she'd started before.

Daryl looked over at her, eyebrows raised. "Ain't you a little young to be havin' a baby?" he wondered. Not accusing. Not derisive. Daryl had been the first adult to ever treat her like an equal. Not even Maggie had done that all the time.

"Maybe," she said with a little shrug, looking down at her hands. She used to have soft hands. Even growing up on a farm, she'd had soft, graceful hands. Now they were calloused and rough. "I think we're all a little young for this world, though. We have to live fast, now. As fast as we can. As good as we can. Anything could happen to us tomorrow, or next week or next year. If I wait until I think I'm ready, it might never even happen."

He seemed to think long and hard about this, contemplating his own hands. At last, he turned back to her, a very serious look on his face. "You'd make a good mama," he said simply. A smile curved Beth's lips, and she thought about the way Daryl held Asskicker and guided Sophia through the forest. She thought about the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, and how he always smelled like pine and damp earth. She thought about the winter before, and how she'd curled against him for warmth and woke up with his poncho thrown over her shoulders.

"You'd make a good dad," she replied, thoroughly expecting him to flinch at the words. She wasn't unaware of his past. He didn't often discuss it, but he'd said enough for her to know. She'd  _seen_ enough to know.

But Daryl didn't flinch. He met her gaze and held it, that same contemplative look in his eyes. As if he was trying to figure out if she meant it, or perhaps  _what_ she'd meant by it. Beth didn't rightly know herself. She just knew that, sometimes, looking at him felt just the same as missing her farm. It was the same raw ache of longing, only stronger and more acute, and staring into his eyes made the feeling zing through her veins, sharp in her belly.

Daryl was the first to look away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this takes place roughly a year-and-a-half after "Not His". You don't really have to read that to understand this one, but it sets it up just a bit. Other things to note? Yes, the other group will be coming into play, eventually. No, Daryl and Rick will not be as close as they were after the winter in the show. It's very sad. I love the Rickyl bromance as much as the next person, but they'll get there eventually. Hopefully.


	2. New Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack."
> 
> \- Rudyard Kipling

The idea took possession of her mind, but it did not distract her during her watch. Somehow, it only served to make her senses sharper, and she was on high alert through the pre-dawn, hardly daring to blink for fear of leaving her family unguarded. The need to protect them was singing in her blood, dwelling deep within her bones, having sunk there the winter before while they'd fought tooth and nail to keep each other alive. Beth remembered standing between Lori and certain death, only to be saved by Sophia and Daryl seconds before an untimely demise. It had been  _hard_ keeping a pregnant woman alive, but they'd done it. It had been stressful and trying and a million different kinds of frustrating, but in the end, seeing Asskicker's little face had made it worth it. Beth had been the first one to hold her, and it had been love at first sight, for her. She couldn't imagine how much more magical such a moment would've been if it had been her  _own_  child.

Beth glanced behind her as the door swung open with a soft  _whoosh_ of air. Daryl stood in the doorway, crossbow slung over one shoulder and Asskicker balanced on his hip. He stepped out into the sunlight and squinted around their clearing before his eyes settled on her. "Anything excitin' happen on your watch?" he asked warily.

"Nothing to report, Big Bear," she shot back, light and teasing in hopes of putting him at ease. He relaxed just a little bit, his lips twitching into a reluctant smile as he leaned down to set Asskicker on her lap.

"Good to hear," he confided, lowering his voice and checking over his shoulder. He sat down beside her and leaned a bit closer as though getting ready to share some big secret. He was always doing that. The thing about Daryl was that what he said to you, he said to  _you_. If he chose to tell you something, those words were meant for you an no one else. A simple comment on the weather, no matter how inconsequential, was always meant for a specific person and not the world at large. Daryl never said something just for the hell of it.

So Beth leaned closer, too, holding her breath so she wouldn't miss a word of it.

"Was worried, when we got here," he muttered, biting at his thumbnail in that way of his. Nervous. He was nervous. "Worried about comin' back at all. We had a good thing up north. I know we had to come back. Know Lori wouldn'a said anything about it. But we need'a get her back to her family. You to yours. Still, I... I was worried it wasn't the right call, you know?"

Beth reached out to squeeze his hand. "We'll follow you anywhere, Daryl," Beth said earnestly. "Come hell or high waters. You're our Big Atlas Bear. It doesn't matter what kind of trouble we're running into. You're our man and you'll get us out of it. Always."

Daryl gave her one of his rare smiles, but there was still worry heavy under his eyes. "What if I can't get you out of it?" he asked softly, gripping her hand just a little bit tighter. "What if I'm in trouble, too?"

"Then we'll get _you_ out of it," she assured him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before he had the chance to back away. She ignored his annoyed look and took his chin in her hand, forcing him to look into her eyes. "We're a family, Big. We fought together. We bled together. Ain't nothing out there that can tear us apart, okay?"

"Didn't stop them walkers from separating you and yours," he pointed out almost sulkily. Beth sighed and set Asskicker back in his arms, looping her arm through his and resting her head against his shoulder.

"Look at this girl, Daryl," she whispered, stroking Asskicker's cheek. "Look at this girl and tell me you can't protect her."

He coiled his arms around the sleepy baby, gentle but unyielding. "Ain't nothing out there that can tear us apart," he echoed, the ghost of a smile on his lips. He looked down at Beth, gratitude melting the icy blue of his eyes. "Thanks. Needed that," he sighed, bumping his chin against her temple in a show of gruff affection.

"It's what we do," she reminded him, slipping away from him to stretch out her limbs. "So I guess we're moving out today?"

"Yeah. Gonna have us some breakfast, visit that river, and then keep goin' until we get to your daddy's place," he said with a nod, following her to his feet. He squinted at her, seeming to measure her up for a moment. "You sure you'll be okay? Goin' back there?"

She was saved from having to answer when Sophia made an appearance. Both Daryl and Beth had to hold in laughter at the sight of her tangled hair and the line of drool dried on her chin. It was the cleanest spot on her face.

Lori only look slightly better when she wandered out, announcing that breakfast was ready. Daryl was easily the most chipper, having been a morning person even before the end of the world. Beth hadn't liked waking up early in her old life, but now she appreciated the quiet of the pre-dawn watch, and being the only one awake as weak morning light started to filter through the greying air. Daryl would be out soon after, looking refreshed and ready for the day. He often had Asskicker in his arms, but there was days, too, that he came out alone and sat with Beth in silence, allowing her a few minutes of resting her head on his shoulder before the true start of the day.

 

After a can of beans and a quick inventory check, Sophia led the way out of the shack. Beth closed the door behind them and brought up the rear, following cautiously behind Lori. It was her job to both watch their backs and to keep Asskicker occupied over Lori's shoulder. Sometimes she would talk quietly with the other woman, but when they traveled through the woods, Daryl normally called for silence, taking the opportunity to hunt if he could.

Today, Daryl dropped them off at the river and went his own way to hunt. "Be back in an hour," he said to them, already disappearing into the trees.

"You guys wash first," Sophia suggested from her perch in a nearby tree. "I'll keep watch. Holler when you're done."

So Beth and Lori took Asskicker into the freezing water and quickly scrubbed her down before washing their own bodies. Beth couldn't help but sigh as she washed the road away from her skin, knowing it would be back again before nightfall. When was the last time she'd truly been clean? She couldn't remember what it'd felt like.

After bathing, Beth took Sophia's place in the tree. Below her, Lori was washing their clothes with Asskicker strapped to her back. A few yards away, Sophia was ducking under the water, rinsing hard soap out of her strawberry blond locks. When they were clean, Beth and Sophia didn't look very much alike, but the year before, while they'd been on the road, Daryl had told them they looked like twins when they were covered in dirt. The memory made her grin, even though her teeth were chattering and she was starting to wonder just how long Daryl thought an hour lasted.

"Any sign of him?" Lori asked, seeming to read her mind without even looking.

"He'll be back," Sophia said flatly, wading out of the water and accepting their damp towel from Lori. "He may not be punctual, but he always comes back." Sophia laid the towel out on a rock to dry and pulled on a dry set of clothes. "Did we bring that brush we found a few days ago?"

"Right here," Beth supplied, digging around in her bag and making to toss it down to her. Sophia was already climbing the tree, though, and was soon perched on the branch just in front of Beth.

"Braid my hair for me?"

"Sure." She ran the brush through her friend's wet, tangled hair, working out all the knots before she started to braid. It took a surprisingly long time. Sophia's hair had grown so much since they'd left the farm. It was longer than Beth's, now. Almost as long as Lori's. Not for the first time, Beth wondered if their families would even recognize them. She felt irrevocably changed by her year without them, and she was sure that the internal difference would show on the outside, too. Would her daddy look at her and still see his daughter? Would Maggie still be able to call her a sister, or had Sophia taken over that role?

"She'll always be your sister," Sophia murmured. Beth guessed she must've said it out loud.

"She'll be  _our_ sister," Beth fiercely replied, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around the younger girl. She pressed her face into the back of Sophia's neck, breathing in her familiar smell. Even fresh from washing, she still smelled like  _them_. Their family. The Atlas Pack. She smelled herself, smelled Lori and Asskicker, smelled something that was distinct to Sophia, as well.

She smelled Daryl. His pine and damp earth scent.

"Got us some dinner," called a proud voice. Beth looked up as Daryl slipped into the clearing, a fat brown raccoon held aloft by its tail. A weight she hadn't known she'd been carrying slipped from her shoulders. She gripped Sophia tighter for a moment and then dropped down from the perch, landing lithely in front of their fearless leader.

"Cute," Sophia laughed, dropping down beside her and reaching out to take the limp, bloody creature. "Should I skin it now or keep it whole until we bed down for the night?"

"Keep it whole," Lori said sternly. "We'll worry about it later. We gotta start moving before I freeze to death."

Daryl chuckled and waved Sophia ahead, and soon they were back in formation, moving silently through the trees. Beth didn't feel any pressure to stay quiet, knowing Sophia would warn them before they attracted the notice of a herd and that Daryl had already secured their dinner for the night. Still, she kept her mouth shut through most of the morning, only speaking to halt the pack for a quick break, having seen some mushrooms she knew would go well with dinner.

At the height of the sun, they stopped again, and Daryl pointed through the trees. "The highway is right there," he said in a low voice, speaking just loudly enough that Sophia could hear from her place in the trees. She always sought out high ground when they stopped, not wanting anything to catch them on unawares. "I think we should move closer, walk just inside of the trees."

"Sounds good to me," said Lori. Beth's heart beat just a little bit faster. They were just a few short hours from her farm. So close to home.

"Alright. Let's move out. Best get there before dark," Daryl suggested, plucking Asskicker out of Lori's arms and holding her close. "I'll take Asskicker for now. Scout, you stand by just in case I need'a hand her off real quick, alright? Mama Bear needs ta rest her arms."

Lori shook her head, a sad smile on her face as she watch him walk away. "Who ever would've thought Daryl Dixon would be such a caring and attentive man?" Lori muttered wryly, keeping her voice down so that the man wouldn't hear.

"He's not Daryl Dixon anymore," Beth replied.

"Don't I know it," Lori agreed. For a moment, they both remembered the story Sophia had told them when they'd first gotten into this mess and found themselves in constant company with the volatile man. He'd just gotten done yelling at Beth for calling him Mister Dixon and had stormed out of their makeshift camp, taking his crossbow with him. Sophia had crept forward and held her hands out to the fire, not at all worried that their protector had left them.

" _He'll be back,_ " she'd told them, voice soft and quiet as ever. " _He may not be punctual, but he always comes back._ "

And she'd told them a little about his father, and a little about Daryl himself, revealing nothing and everything at the same time. " _He doesn't like to be called Dixon. That was his father's name. They didn't get along at all. I just try not to call him anything at all._ " _  
_

" _Well he's gotta have a name_ ," Lori had grumbled, still wiping tears off of Beth's face. " _He can't just snap at us whenever we try to have a conversation_."

" _It's like trying to talk to an animal,_ " Beth had agreed, giggling in spite of herself. " _The most terrifying animal on earth. Like a giant grizzly bear or something._ "

Beth still remembered the way they'd all jumped at the sound of Daryl's voice, and the pure and violent terror that had pulsed through her veins when she realized he'd heard her talking about him.

" _You callin' me a bear, blondie?_ " he'd snarled, and at the time, Beth hadn't known him well enough to recognize the amusement in his eyes. Sophia had, though.

" _A big bear_ ," she'd agreed. And they'd called him that ever since. It was much later that they'd started likening him to Atlas. After they'd already found the home they'd spent the winter in. After Beth had stopped fearing him and started appreciating his quiet, brooding nature. After, even, she'd started to love the way he thought before he spoke. How he stood guard for them with eyes that never stopped watching and kept them safe even though they weren't his to worry about.

He was still every bit the bear she'd scorned him for. She'd just grown to see it differently.

And, perhaps, he'd learned to be just a bit softer.

"We're burnin' daylight, kids," Daryl called over his shoulder, clearly impatient with their less-than-hasty pace. Beth and Lori exchanged an exasperated glance before hurrying to catch up to their hunter. "Stay closer," he grunted, and Beth noticed he had his crossbow ready-to-fire instead of slung on his back. Asskicker had taken that place. "Scout saw a herd a little bit ago. Didn't see us, but that don't mean they ain't close."

Beth nodded sharply, drawing her knife. Besides her, Lori was doing the same. "Want me to take her?" Lori asked, stroking Asskicker's cheek.

"Probably best," he agreed, holding still so the squirming girl could be extracted from her sling. Knowing danger was nearby made Beth want to hold onto the girl, too, but she knew she had to have her hands free so that she could defend Lori, should the need arise. Their leading lady might've been older and wiser, but she'd never quite gotten the hang of the combat courses Daryl had given them during the winter.

They moved more cautiously than ever, and though Daryl still had not called for silence, Beth thought better than to try and start a conversation. Ahead of them, Sophia was on high alert, her head turning toward every little noise. Daryl was even edgier, his lips curled in a silent snarl. It was at times like this that Beth loved him most. He was truly a sight to behold when it came to their safety, as fiercely protective of them as they were of him.

But the hours dragged by, and with Sophia leading them, they didn't run into anything they couldn't handle. The biggest group of walkers they'd been forced to take down had only been a dozen strong. Lori had stayed behind them with Asskicker, and they'd been done in less than a minute. They were making good time, and as they end of the day drew near, they found more stamina instead of growing weary.

"Land ho," Sophia said dryly, just as the sun began to sink between the trees. Beth hurried forward to stand beside the girl but faltered when she caught sight of a familiar road. Beth felt Sophia's hand on her shoulder.

"C'mon," Daryl said, his voice almost gentle, "let's check it out."

Beth took her place behind Lori and kept her eyes peeled, ignoring the incessant clanging of her heart. The grass was overgrown and the bushes were wild, but she could only see a few walkers. It was strange to see the place so untouched. The herd that had blown through the year before had seemed so devastating at the time, but they hadn't been looking to destroy her farm. They only cared for the meat within it.

"Looks like Daddy locked it up before he left," Beth murmured, walking carefully up the steps and standing on the rickety old porch.

"Or someone came through after," Sophia pointed out, knocking an arrow and motioning for Daryl to get the door. Beth stepped in front of him, quick to defend her house.

"Don't break it down, there's a key under the mat," she scolded, leaning down to procure the slip of metal. She slipped the key into the lock and breathed a sigh of relief when the door swung open without protest.

"Weapons ready," Daryl warned, edging inside. But he needn't have worried. The house was just as empty as they'd left it, showing no signs of looters or squatters. When he finally pronounced the place clear, Beth wandered back upstairs to sit on her childhood bed. It seemed like so long ago that she had slept there. The walls seemed impossibly pink, and Beth couldn't help but recall the color of saliva-diluted blood. She'd seen enough of it in the past year to know the color matched her walls almost exactly, and with an unsettled shiver, Beth simply packed up some of her clothes and abandoned the room.

"All my clothes should fit you," Beth said to Sophia as she descended the stairs. "You should go and look. It's the pink room."

She turned into the kitchen and paused to watch Daryl and Lori root through the pantry, pleased with the amount of food they drummed up.

"I forgot how much we left behind," Lori sighed, setting a can of baked beans on the counter. "It's a gold mine. But we'll never be able to carry all this with us, you know. When are we leaving, anyway?"

"Been thinkin' we should set up here for a bit. Ain't the safest place, but we could make a dent in the food supply while we poke around," Daryl revealed, smothering a yawn. "Figure we should check out a few places nearby, see if they settled around here. Couple factories that might make good camps."

"And if they're not there?"

"We'll keep lookin'."

Daryl retreated to the den, patting Beth's shoulder as he passed. She remained where she was, watching Lori wipe tears out of her eyes.

"We'll find them," Beth said softly. Lori glanced up, a wavering smile on her face.

"Oh, I know," she sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. "Rick found me and Carl in this mess. I know I can find the two of them."

"Then why are you crying?" she wondered, stepping into the room and shivering slightly as a thousand memories bombarded her. She shook them off and pulled the older woman into a hug, not knowing whether she was seeking comfort or offering it.

"I just... will they even want to see me?" she breathed, choking on the words. "After everything... after a  _year_. After Asskicker?"

Beth wanted to reassure her. She wanted to tell Lori  _of course_  her family would still want her. But she didn't know that. She didn't know what would happen when she saw her own family, so how could she know what would happen when Lori went back to two people who were perfect strangers to her?

"No matter what happens," she said instead, breathing in the smell of their pack, "you will  _always_  have us."


	3. Pre-Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
> 
> \- Anais Nin

Once again, Daryl left Beth at home. She was used to such treatment, and she wasn't sure whether it was because he didn't think Sophia was strong enough to protect Lori or because he didn't think Beth was quiet enough to have his back. Whatever the reason, Daryl never let Lori stay alone, and Beth was most often the one left to keep her company.

The older woman had insisted they put Annette's old clothesline to use, and Beth had no quarrel with that. They took advantage of the farm's relative safety and let Asskicker play in the grass while they worked. It had been so long since the girl had had so much freedom, and she wasted no time in covering herself with dirt. In another world, Beth imagined Lori wouldn't have allowed it. These days, dirt was just another part of life.

"It's so weird bein' back here," Beth sighed, wiping the sweat off her brow and looking around the lonely yard. "Here we are, and... somehow... I don't miss it any less."

Lori simply kissed the girl on the cheek before going back to the task at hand. Beth understood. There was nothing for it. No words that could get her back the things she'd lost. Their only hope was that they'd find the others, and even then, it would not be enough. Beth understood that she would always ache, because there was no ointment for the wounds they'd all suffered on the road except moving forward, which would inevitably leave more marks upon her. It was the nature of living, and it had been for far longer than the dead walked the earth.

That night, Daryl and Sophia returned without a sign of the others, but with a usable vehicle and gas. The only working vehicle that had been left on the farm was Daryl's motorcycle, which certainly wouldn't carry all of them. They ate in silence, all lost in their own thoughts, and then Daryl announced the watch schedule for that night. Beth was taking the pre-dawn again. Daryl was taking dusk to midnight, as always. While he ambled outside, Beth put Asskicker to bed in Maggie's room, where Lori was sleeping with the little girl. Beth and Sophia had been sharing her own bed, despite the amplitude of space in the house. Beth knew Sophia would have chosen to sprawl out on her own if she didn't think Beth needed the company.

"How are you doing, Bethy?" Lori yawned, wandering into the room and sitting down on the edge of Maggie's bed. Beth shrugged, not really sure how to answer. She knew she'd been quiet lately. Lori frowned at her but didn't ask again.

When Asskicker was settled, Beth walked through the silent halls, not quite ready to return to her blood-and-saliva room. Sophia would probably appreciate the extra space, so she wasn't in any hurry to get to bed. Instead, she took stock in the kitchen, packing some food away so that they'd be able to take something with them if they had to leave in a hurry. That didn't take long, though, so she folded the clothes that had been left out yesterday after Lori had brought them in from drying. Those went in their bags, too.

She still wasn't sleepy, but she went to bed anyway, knowing Daryl would want her well rested before she took over the pre-dawn watch. She wanted to be wide-awake when he got up and came to greet the morning with her.

Try as she might, though, she couldn't get to sleep. Not even cuddled up to Sophia's too-warm body. Beth huffed into the younger girl's neck, smiling when strawberry-blond locks flew away and then drifted down to tickle her nose.

"Go to sleep, Moony," Sophia groaned, stretching out like a cat. The old mattress groaned underneath them. "Or go bother someone else. I'm not in the mood for your nocturnal shenanigans."

"You make it sound so bad," Beth giggled, rolling away from her friend and looking up at the ceiling. She winced. Same color as the walls. "Have you ever noticed how awful this color is?" she asked. But Sophia was already asleep again.

Beth laid awake for a few more minutes, drumming her fingers on the mattress. The creak of footsteps on the stairs drew her attention, and she held her breath until they passed by her room and stopped in front of Maggie's. She heard the door creak open, and then the soft rumble of Daryl's voice. Lori's tried yawn, and then the quiet but distinct  _I'm awake, I'm awake_ that always signaled the beginning of one of Lori's watches. Soft footsteps traveled back down the hall and descended the stairs, and in the next room, Beth felt rather than heard Daryl fall into her sister's old bed.

She was on her feet before she knew where they were taking her, and seconds later, she was lifting Maggie's blanket and climbing into bed beside Daryl. Beth felt him shy away from her at first. She did not often seek Daryl in his bed, but the gesture was familiar enough that he didn't question her. He just gave his usual protest --  _This ain't really appropriate, Beth._.. -- before settling in, his arm thrown over her side and his warm, heavy body curled loosely around hers. _  
_

Finally, she felt as though she could really sleep.

 

The next day passed in much the same way, though this time Daryl and Sophia came back with a bit more to say. Footprints, they said. Could belong to the group. There was about the right number. Said they'd follow it in the morning. They did, but came back with a similar story. They'd lost the light again and pick it up the next day. And they had.

It was during the fourth day of following the trail that they came home early, Sophia small and bloody in Daryl's arms.

"What happened?" Lori cried, flying toward the pair.

"She fell," Daryl said shortly. "Snapped her ankle real good. Got pretty scraped up on the way down."

Beth was speechless. Sophia's ankle was snapped alright, but there was nothing  _real good_ about it. "Can you fix it?" she asked desperately, reaching out to grip Sophia's hand. Daryl was already shaking his head, sending Beth into a panic.

"I don't know," he said sharply, hurrying to correct himself. "It's bad, okay? I'll do my best, but I ain't never set anything like this before."

"Please, just help her," Beth wailed, her heart beating a mile a minute. Everything had been fine a minute ago. She'd been playing with Asskicker on the hearth, wondering what Maggie was doing. The thought made Beth feel extremely guilty. She should have been wondering about Sophia instead. "Hang in there, Sophie!" she begged, squeezing the younger girl's hand even tighter. "You're gonna be okay."

"Not if you break my hand, too," she said through her tightly gritted teeth. Beth yelped, dropping her hand and flying away to pace the kitchen. Daryl had set the girl on the table, sweeping the cans of food onto the floor in his haste.

"Settle down," Lori said, having calmed down since her initial reaction. "Beth, help me hold her down. Sophia, bite down on this, honey." Lori handed Sophia a wooden stirring spoon and looked to Daryl for direction. "Are you gonna be able to do this?" she asked him. He looked around at the three of them, eyes wild with fear and worry. It wasn't until he locked eyes with Beth that he nodded, that familiar steely determination settling in his jaw. Lori took hold of Sophia's torso, pinning her to the table, while Beth set shaky hands on her thighs, wishing she were anywhere but here, seeing her best friend in so much pain. About to be put in a whole lot more pain.

"Hold on, Scout," Daryl said hoarsely, patting her shin. "I'll do this as quick as I can."

"Just do it," Sophia moaned, and Beth was weak with admiration. She could never be so brave. She couldn't even watch as Daryl took hold of her injured ankle. She just threw herself over Sophia's legs as her body jerked, and that first heart-wrenching screech of pain echoed through the kitchen. In the next room, Asskicker started wailing.

"Keep her on the table," Daryl said heatedly, "I ain't done yet."

Beth pressed down harder against Sophia's legs, tears now streaming down her own cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to watch Lori try to soothe the inconsolable girl and unable to turn her head toward the cause of her friend's pain. Daryl was swearing up a storm, voice rising as panic threatened to take charge of the situation once more.

"Sorry, baby, just hang in there," Daryl begged, choking out the words as Sophia's jerked again, her pained screams turning into a keening wail. Behind her, Beth felt Daryl pause, and after a moment, he swore again, sounding more relieved than anything. "Think that's it," he grunted, moving toward the head of the table, where Lori was stroking back Sophia's hair. "Ya alright, girl?"

Sophia didn't speak. She just whimpered pitifully and held out her arms. Daryl drew her up into a tight embrace and motioned for Lori to bring the medical bag over. Beth watched the girl swallow down a handful of ibuprofen, still choking down sobs. They both were. All were. Even Asskicker was still crying, though she settled soon after Lori went to fetch her. Beth and Daryl just stayed in the kitchen with Sophia, unwilling to move her and cause her more pain.

"Daryl!" Lori called from the living room. "We've got company out here. Seven strong."

"Hold her," Daryl growled. Beth took his place at the head of the table, supporting Sophia's back. He left without another word, the front door slamming behind him.

"I was so scared when I saw him carrying you," Beth murmured, hugging tight around her shoulders. Beth crawled onto the table behind her friend, her face automatically going to the back of her neck. "You were so pale. I thought you might be dead."

"I'm okay," she insisted, twisting around to kiss Beth's cheek. "I wouldn't leave you like that."

"Better not," Beth said meekly, pressing closer. She closed her eyes and breathed in the pack smell, trying to ignore the tinge of blood that permeated the room. "I can't lose you, okay? Any of you."

Lori came in with a bowl full of water and Asskicker on her hip. "Let's get you cleaned up and in bed, alright?" she sighed, digging around for a fresh cloth. She handed one to Beth and kept one for herself, and together, they patched up all of Sophia's cuts and scrapes. It seemed like everywhere they looked, there was some kind of wound, and her ankle was rapidly changing colors. It didn't look too swollen, though, so Beth had enough hope to convince herself that it would all be alright.

They decided it would be best to wait for Daryl to get back before they tried to take her up the stairs. Beth just helped her friend to the couch while Lori went about fixing something for an early dinner.

"Beth, honey, why don't you go and make sure that man hasn't turned himself into walker bait?" Lori called. They could only joke like that about him, because they knew he would never succumb to such a fate. Beth hummed her agreement and gave Sophia a quick kiss on the cheek before heading outside.

"Daryl?" she stage-whispered, looking around the empty yard. Seven walkers were strewn about at the bottom of the porch.

"Over here," Daryl replied. Beth wandered around the house to find Daryl washing thick black blood off of himself. "Didn't want her hollerin' at me," he explained, peeling off his ruined shirt and setting it beside his boots. "Know how she is. Doesn't like the stuff near Asskicker."

Beth could see where the woman was coming from. She didn't much like to be around it herself. She didn't say that, though. She found herself moving toward him, eyes on the small, diamond-shaped scar on his left shoulder. Before she knew it, she was reaching out to press her fingers to the mark, heedless of Daryl's warning glances. They'd stopped working on her a long time ago.

"Remember this?" she asked quietly, rubbing her thumb against the stretch, pinkish skin. Daryl caught her hand, his face carefully blank. "Do you?" she asked.

"Yeah," he sighed, his eyes narrowing. "I remember, Moonshine."

It had been after they found their winter home but before Asskicker was born. Daryl had been worrying about their food supply and had enlisted Beth to come along on his run. They were headed down the mountain a ways, to a general store that had looked pretty untouched on the way up. Daryl thought it would be a pretty easy run, and he'd been mostly right, but they hadn't counted on the maniac with the rifle trying to hunt them down. They hadn't even seen him, really. Just heard his voice through the cold winter air, and Daryl had definitely felt the bullet that went clean through his shoulder. They'd eventually been able to pin down his location and send a well-aimed bolt though his head, but by then, night was falling, and Daryl halted the journey home at the nearest structure with four walls.

Beth could still remember the awful smell of the place. Not decay, but filth and squalor and something else.

" _Moonshine_ ," Daryl'd told her, a frown twisting his face. " _There's a still in the shed out back. M'daddy had one when I was growin' up_." Beth still remembered the distaste with which he regarded the little shack. " _Weren't much better than this shithole_." _  
_

The moonshine came in handy, though, when Beth decided they needed to sterilize the wound before she stitched it shut. Daryl huffed and puffed and swore his way though that ordeal, and then drank some of the moonshine to ' _take away the bite_.' It was then that Beth had suggested they both get drunk. Daryl was against it from the beginning, but even then, Beth was learning that the man had trouble saying 'no' to her. She'd only had to insist just a bit longer before she wore him down, and he'd presented her with the dusty jar of clear liquid.

" _Looks just like water_ ," Beth had said, eyes alight in wonderment.

" _Well it ain't_ ," Daryl replied. " _And we ain't got any water, either. So go easy on that._ "

She'd tried to, but it was her first time drinking and she didn't know how much beer it took to get her drunk, let alone moonshine. It hadn't taken her long to get tipsy, and a little bit after that, Daryl had taken away the jar with a scowl on his face, clearly unhappy with her inebriated state.

" _Told you to go easy on it_ ," he snapped.

" _Why don't you go easy on me_ ," she shot back, grinning when his scowl deepened. For a moment, Beth got caught up in watching him, unable to tear her eyes away from his angry snarl, which was quickly turning into an embarrassed frown.

" _What_?"

" _Just lookin' at you_ ," Beth sighed, leaning into his shoulder with a contented smile on her face. " _I'm glad I got stuck with you. Even if I could've been with Maggie and Daddy... if I'd found them instead, I would never have had this._ "

" _What's so good about this_?" he asked sulkily. _  
_

And Beth had kissed him. Right on the lips. Long and slow.

He'd kissed her right back. Of course, it had only lasted a little while before he'd drawn away, muttering about mistakes and teenagers, but Beth hadn't taken it to heart. The kiss had been enough for her, and she knew he'd never take it back, either. The feeling was cemented when, a few days later, he'd called her Moonshine in passing. It hadn't been much, but the reminder had turned her pink and caused Lori to ask just what was so funny. Their shared glance had sent Lori huffing, holding up her hands in defeat. " _Alright, keep your secrets. Just making conversation_."

"Lori wants you to come in for dinner," Beth said at last, pulling her hand away.

"I'll be there in a minute," he said evenly, as though Beth hadn't felt his pulse flying in the palm of his hand. She offered him a small smile and nothing more, leaving him to his own devices as she retreated into the house.

"Is he okay?" Sophia asked wearily, looking over the back of the couch as Beth shut the door behind her. "You were out there for a while."

"He's fine," she assured the other girl, waving away her worries. "Just washing up."

 

The pre-dawn was as beautiful as ever. Beth was curled up in a nest of blankets on the porch, still warm from Lori's watch. There were crickets singing all around her, and the deep croaks of the frogs down in the reeds. The stars were shimmering brightly, not yet dulled by the grey of the morning, and the moon was as big as it ever got, even if it wasn't quite as full. The quiet landscape almost made Beth forget about what she was watching for, but her body was conditioned to be alert.

She heard Daryl coming long before she saw him. Heard the creak of his footsteps on the stairs. The whoosh of the front door swinging open. The near-silent tread of his feet on the wooded porch. Then he was swimming in her peripheral, his silhouette outlined by silvery moonlight as he leaned against the railing. _  
_

"Hey, Big," Beth murmured, finally looking in his direction. Her eyes lingered on his strong profile. The way his blue eyes glinted, reflecting pinpricks of starlight. "Have trouble sleeping?"

He met her gaze, eyes measuring as they often did. As always, Beth couldn't help but sigh in relief when he didn't seem to find her wanting.

"Just thought I'd check on you."

"All good out here, chief."

Briefly, a grin split his face, only to be quickly chased away by a more serious look. "Mama Bear's worried about you," he revealed. "Says you've been quiet these past few days. Is it upsettin' you? Bein' back here?"

Slowly, Beth shook her head. "No, it's not that."

"But there's something?" he guessed. Beth held out her hands to him, and he inched toward her like a starving stray, wary of contact but hoping to be fed. She coaxed him onto the blankets and curled into his side, glad to have him near so early in the morning. He wasn't usually out this early. Maybe she could get him to stay for the entirety of her watch.

"Jesus, girl," Daryl admonished, pulling a blanket over them. "You're freezing. Tryin'a catch your death out here?"

"I didn't notice," she said with a little shrug, snaking her arms around his waist. "I was thinkin'."

"About what?"

"About you," she said simply, curling closer still. As comforting as Sophia's presence could be, Beth loved nothing more than pressing closer and closer to Daryl until there was no space left between them. The man rarely had patience for it, but when she could get him to sit still, she took full advantage of it.

"Well you better stop thinking about me if it makes you act stupid," he snapped. But he still set his arms around her. Beth hummed happily in response. "What's really on your mind, girl? Lori's been worrying about you."

For one teetering moment, Beth wondered to herself whether it would be best to just keep it to herself. By the time she came to the conclusion that it would be, the words were already spilling out of her mouth, and Beth just let them, thinking rather wryly that she would be awful at poker.

"I want to have a baby," she said. And it wasn't the first time she'd told him, but something told her it would be different this time. Because now there was no idleness in her voice, and she was speaking with an intent she hadn't realized she'd had. And because this time, surely, Daryl heard the silent tag that might not have been as clear before:  _With you_.


	4. Together Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The woods are lovely, dark and deep,  
> But I have promises to keep,  
> And miles to go before I sleep,  
> And miles to go before I sleep.
> 
> \- excerpt from "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" by Robert Frost

Daryl's arm tightened around her, pulling her closer still to his body. "That's the second time you've said that to me, Greene," he grumbled, but Beth paid more attention to the pounding of his heart under her cheek. "Expect me to do somethin' about it?"

Beth turned her head slightly to press a kiss to his chest, her chapped lips catching on the worn fabric of his shirt. "I wish you would," she admitted.

"Know there ain't a lot'a options out here, but maybe you ought'a think a bit longer on it," he said flatly. She could tell he was teasing her, but there was no true humor in his words. They were drier than kindling.

"It doesn't matter who's out there. I'd only want you," Beth replied, wiggling her hand free and reaching up to pet his cheek. She pried herself away from him and clambered onto his lap, shooting up on her knees so that she could look right into his eyes. "Brad Pitt could come up the drive right now and I wouldn't care. Probably have Scout shoot him, too, 'cause we don't need to be feedin' some stranger when we're gonna need it for our family."

"Jesus, you're crazy," he said, choking out a ragged laugh. "This family -- that include a Little Moonshine runnin' around?"

"Bears gotta have cubs, you know," she said smoothly, putting on her goofiest smile to counter the frown that was tugging at the corners of his mouth. It still didn't go away though, not even when Beth poked at his cheeks, trying to rearrange his expression into one that didn't look quite so conflicted.

"Jesus," he said again, shaking his head. "You worried we won't find your daddy and sister? That what this is about?"

Beth paused, considering his words. She  _missed_ her family. Missed them like nothing else. But she didn't miss  _a_ family. She reckoned she had a better family than most did, and she was fine with it. Anything else would just be extra. So Beth shook her head, getting ready to be obstinate if he decided he didn't believe her. "Nuh-uh. It's not that. It's not about a family, anyway. It's about me and you," she explained, fixing him with a stern glare.

"You and me, huh?" he asked. They were so close that the words brushed against her lips, and she wanted to kiss him but she knew that once that started, it wouldn't be long before he started clamming up. She needed to get the talking out of the way before they tried any of that.

She nodded. "We're gonna start somethin', " she informed him, dropping her hands from his face and settling them in her lap. She leaned away from him to see his whole face.

"That's one serious look you got on your face, woman," he murmured.

"This is a serious conversation."

"Ain't serious if you're bein' ridiculous," he said stiffly, pulling at her hands and replacing one of them on his cheek. She resumed petting him, though his frown was now reflected on her own face. "You can't just have a baby," he continued, speaking slowly enough that Beth could tell her was carefully considering his words. "I ain't never been the kind ta just knock a woman up. It  _means_ somethin', okay? Can't just go around havin' babies with people."

Beth gripped his chin. "Me and you," she said again. Daryl's lips curled down, his frown deepening.

"What about Asskicker? And Mama Bear?" he asked hesitantly.

"You been kissing her, too?" Beth teased, though she was honestly curious about the answer. Lori was not unaware of Beth's affections for their man, and had never shown any sort of displeasure toward the matter. If Lori happened to have the same affections, Beth liked to think she could show the same restraint. _  
_

Daryl stared at her, irritation and amusement warring on his face. "Ain't kissin' _no one_ , Greene. Not you, not Lori. It was  _once_. We kissed  _once_ , and we were both drunk, weren't we?" He held up his hand for silence when she tried to answer, letting his head fall back against the dusty white siding of her daddy's house. "Sayin' we already got a baby. And a momma. Why you wanna go changing things?"

"Things change, Big," Beth said gently, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek. She ignored his protesting grumble and focused on the part where he didn't pull away. "We sure changed, didn't we? When we met, did you ever expect that one day I'd be sitting on your lap, asking you to sleep with me?"

The notion made her giggle, but it froze Daryl underneath her, heat creeping up his cheeks. For a moment, she was sure she'd scared him away for good, and that any second he'd been throwing her off of him and storming away. Instead, he turned his head away, shoulders bunching up as if to ward off a blow. A little huff escaped him, and he raised his hand to his mouth to bite at his thumb, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

"That what you want?" he asked gruffly.

"Well,  _yeah_ ," she said quickly, her cheeks turning pink. "I kind of thought that was implied. I love you, and I  _like_ you, and I liked kissin' you, so I'm sure I'd like--"

"Don't," he said sharply, leaning away from her. "Don't say it. Get off''a me."

"We have to talk about this," she said uncertainly, hearing that warning note ringing in his words.

"Can't have a conversation without you sitting in my lap?" he challenged.

"I just don't want you running off," she said, still trying to decide whether or not she'd heed his words. "Just wait a sec, okay? I'll get up in a minute. You don't have to worry about me tryin' anything right now, if that's what got you huffin' at me," she insisted, softening her voice and setting her palm against his cheek. "Let's just talk about this."

He shifted uncomfortably but didn't push the matter. All he did was stare at her like she was about to gobble him up, which reminded her that she was supposed to be watching for walkers. A quick glance over her shoulder revealed no lurking creatures, and so she turned her full attention back to the wary man before her.

"You know I love you, right?" she hedged, hoping, at least, that he wouldn't fight her on that. She accepted his reluctant nod and tried to plan out her next attack, wondering how she'd gone from watching for walkers to propositioning their hunter in just a few short minutes.

"Beats me," Daryl said sulkily, answering the question she'd meant to leave unasked.

"I gotta think before I speak," she sighed, suddenly feeling very small and defeated. "I didn't mean to ambush you," she told him, wrapping her arms around his neck and plastering herself to his torso. "It's been on my mind, though, and you  _asked_ and I didn't think before I said it. I'm sorry."

After a moment, she felt his arms go around her, hesitant but still comforting. "That really somethin' you want?" he asked quietly. Beth nodded, pushing her face against his neck as a tear dripped down her cheek. "Even the sex part?" he pressed, and Beth had to smile at the strained, awkward tone.

"Especially that part," she laughed, pressing a wet kiss to his neck. "You're not just some stud to me, Big. You're  _everything_."

"Everything, huh?" he murmured, and it was the fact that he wasn't flirting that made Beth's heart melt. He was asking as though he didn't already know the answer, and Beth had been learning for a very long time by now that he probably didn't. So she repeated the sentiment, probably a few more times than really necessary.  _Everything, Big. You're everything to me._  And it wasn't until she heard the clear, biting voice that Beth realized she should've been paying more attention to the world around them.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I think I'm going to die soon." _  
_

Beth _shrieked_. Right in Daryl's ear, but he ignored that in favor of drawing Beth's pistol and pointing it at the source of the noise. Beth twisted around on his lap to see a woman with a freaking _sword_ standing just a few feet from the porch, watching them intently. She  _did_ look pretty close to death, especially when Beth caught sight of the gaping wound on her thigh. She was no doctor, but it seemed like that needed some attention.

"Who are you?" Daryl growled, shoving Beth off of him and shooting to his feet. Beth couldn't help but note how strange he looked holding someone at gunpoint. She'd never seen him shoot anything other than his crossbow, and for a moment, she got lost picturing him as an old western gunslinger, maybe with a hat and a neater mustache. It was only when he started snapping his fingers at her that she realized he was giving out orders. "Ya hear me, girl? Said to go get Lori. Jesus!"

"Sorry!" Beth said breathlessly, rushing into the house. It was still dark out, and Beth hated to be the one to cut their Mama Bear's beauty rest short, but orders were orders. "Lori!" Beth called in a harsh whisper, pushing open the door to Maggie's old room. "Lori, we need you outside. Stranger danger."

"I'm awake," Lori mumbled, shooting up and stumbling out of bed. Beth hovered next to her, wishing she would hurry up. There was nothing that made Lori move faster first thing in the morning, though, and it was well before her usual wake-up call. There wasn't much Beth could do besides pace beside the woman, hovering at her heels and worrying over her shoulder.

Outside, Daryl had gotten a hold of his crossbow and was pointing it at the woman, who had taken a seat on the porch steps. She looked even worse than she had before, and much less threatening now that her sword was at Daryl's feet.

"Woman needs some help," Daryl grunted, sounding irritated but resolute. "Get her to the kitchen."

 

Beth did not like Michonne. She'd been sympathetic, at first, when the injured woman had showed up on their doorstep, but that initial response was long forgotten. In its place was a new wariness that Beth had never felt toward another woman. A wariness she was sure Lori shared with her. Michonne was too quiet. Too watchful. Too ready to spring into action. Beth could see it clear as day.

So she was glad when the woman announced that she was leaving, only a few days after her arrival. Lori insisted she take at least one more night to rest, as it was the Christian thing to do, but after that she'd be out of their hair. Beth hoped she'd be able to sleep a bit better then, but she knew it would take a bit longer for her nerves to quiet again.

"We're fine, Moony," Sophia said tiredly, watching Beth pace from her place on the bed. "She'll be gone tomorrow. Even if she wouldn't be, I'm pretty sure we'd still be fine. She's a little wild, but she's not looking to hurt us."

Beth huffed, shooting the younger girl a glare, and wandered out of the room. It was late. She should've been in bed, but it was impossible to ignore the need to check on Asskicker, even though she and Lori would be fine. The knowledge didn't stop her from wandering down the hall and peeking into Maggie's room. She paused for a moment to listen to Lori's steady breathing and Asskicker's quiet snuffles.

They were fine. They were fine and Michonne was downstairs, on the couch. Beth knew because she'd  _checked_ , time and again. The woman didn't seem too prone to curiosity or wandering. Perhaps she understood that Beth would definitely shoot her, if the woman managed to startle her. She'd feel bad about it later, but coming to love her pack had turned Beth into a ruthless protector. If there was a perceived threat and Daryl wasn't there to tell her what to do about it, she'd end it. The road had taught her it was better to be safe than sorry.

The stairs creaked as Beth prowled onto the first floor, her eyes immediately falling on Michonne's shadowy form. She was lying on the couch, just where she was meant to be. Beth could see the whites of her eyes, and the glint of the moon off her bared teeth.

"It's hard to rest when you feel like you're being hunted," the woman said flatly, tracking Beth's movements with her eyes.

"Even harder when it's your family in the crosshairs," she shot back, folding her arms over her chest.

"You don't trust me. I get it," Michonne murmured, slowly pushing herself into a sitting position. "If I had a family, I wouldn't want a stranger around it. I'll just take my leave. I'm feeling much better, anyway. Wouldn't want to overstay my welcome."

The tenseness in Beth's shoulders loosened somewhat. She pushed away her guilt as the woman gathered up her tiny pack and shouldered her sword. Beth darted into the kitchen and returned with a pack of food. "Here," she said stiffly, tossing the bag across the coffee table. Michonne offered an uneasy nod of thanks and edged toward the door, Beth following a ways behind.

"S'goin' on?" Daryl asked when they stepped onto the porch.

"Michonne's leaving," Beth said sharply, watching as the woman slunk down the porch steps. She was a feet feet away when she paused and glanced over her shoulder.

"Beth Greene," she said, seeming to roll the word around on her tongue. "Would you happen to know a Hershel Greene?"

Beth couldn't speak. Her heart was caught in her throat. She was choking, frozen in place, unable to even nod. Daryl's hand fell heavily on her shoulder. "How do you know that name?" he growled.

"I spent the winter with a woman named Andrea," she replied. "She was looking for her friends, and we eventually found them holed up at a prison not too far from here. There was a Hershel Greene among them. He was looking for a Beth."

Her legs seemed to give out all at once, and Beth wobbled to her knees on the dusty porch, her breath coming in sharp gasps as she held in the joy and sorrows she wanted to scream to the world. Daryl was beside her, awkwardly patting her back. He was saying something, but all she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears and Michonne's words, echoing all around her.

"He's  _alive_ ," she gasped, still trembling at the knowledge. She finally found the strength to look up and meet Daryl's worried gaze. "He's alive! He's alive and he's close by!" Beth looked around to thank Michonne for the knowledge, but she was already gone.

Beth didn't sleep at all that night. Daryl dragged her inside when Lori took over the watch, but not even his steady breathing could lull her to sleep, and eventually, he kicked her out of Maggie's bed. She didn't mind, much preferring to pace the halls of her old home. Maybe they could all come back to the farm. Maybe things could go back to the way they had been.

But she didn't really want that. There was a part of her that wondered whether they should even go looking for the mysterious prison. Beth still didn't trust Michonne, and there was always the chance that it was some sort of trap. Beyond that, Beth just wasn't sure she wanted to see her father again. What would she say to him? Would he try to step back into his role of commander and caretaker? She already knew that wouldn't slide. The pack was well-oiled and tightly knit, and any outside force trying to act upon it would surely become an enemy of it.

Beth realized that she would easily choose the pack over her father.

"Mama?" Beth asked softly, slipping out onto the porch for the second time that night. Lori held out her arms for the younger girl and smiled when Beth slipped easily into her embrace. She had to strain to hear the quiet whisper: "It doesn't seem real."

"Maybe it isn't," Lori said shrewdly, rubbing the girl's arm. "Maybe we're all that's left. It certainly feels like it. The idea used to scare me, but now I'm more scared of other people. I don't  _want_ to see anyone else."

"Not even your family?" Beth asked. Lori just laughed. What was a family? She'd been elated to hear that the rest of the group could be alive and nearby, but the more she tried to picture a reunion with her husband and son, the more she wanted to run the other direction. There would be bitterness and misunderstanding. There would be grudges and complications. There would be jealousy and distance -- distance between Lori and the three people she'd grown closer to than she'd ever thought possible. Distance between her daughter and the man that she'd come to think of a not only a father to her child, but a viable companion as well. Perhaps not quite the same kind of companion as Rick or Shane, but one that she treasured none the less. _  
_

Upstairs, Asskicker began to cry. Beth and Lori listened to the creak of floorboards and the quiet rumble of their man's voice. Sophia's clear soprano soon joined the mix, and a moment later, the stairs groaned as Daryl helped her down them. A cool midnight breeze picked up Sophia's hair as Daryl carried her onto the porch. She curled her arms tighter around Asskicker and dropped gently to the ground. Daryl plucked the baby out of her arms and supported her as she limped toward her companions and lowered herself down between the two.

"What are we going to do?" she asked the group at large. No one seemed to want to reply. Daryl leaned back against the railing and pulled Asskicker tighter against his chest. Beth twined her arms around her friend, practically dragging the younger girl into her lap. Lori just stared into the distance, Rick's old Python clutched tightly in her hands. After a moment, Sophia took a deep breath and released it in a long, tired sigh. "We can't  _not_ go. That isn't an option, okay? It's scary and unfamiliar, but if they're out there, we have to make an effort. The question is when and how. So what are we going to do?"

"We should wait until your ankle is better," Beth murmured, speaking into Sophia's shoulder.

"No," Lori said loudly. "Tomorrow, Beth. Tomorrow, you and Big are going to go and find that prison. And if you don't find it tomorrow, you're going out again the next day. Sophia's right. These are our people. We have to make an effort." She pushed herself to her feet and moved to stand in front of Daryl, and Beth couldn't see her face but she could bet her eyes were blazing. "My son is out there. Will you go?"

He caught her hand and squeezed it tight. "Ain't even a question, Mama," he said firmly.

"He's a cub of the pack," Beth agreed. "He's yours and that makes him ours. Of course we'll go."

It was settled. Lori coaxed Daryl back toward the huddle of bodies and wedged him between herself and Sophia. Together, the pack watched the sunrise bleed color into the landscape, holding their breath as they took in the beauty of the new day. Each of them wondered, in the quiet of their own minds, if it would be the last they spent together alone.


	5. Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
> 
> \- Mark Twain

"You sure you're up for this, Moonshine?" Daryl asked again, adjusting the strap of his crossbow and refusing to meet her eyes. Beth thought it might be because he thought she'd be glaring at him. She was.

"Why do you keep asking me that?" she whined, trying to edge into his field of vision. He simply averted his eyes.

"Should get going, then," he muttered, glancing over his shoulder one last time. Lori was standing on the porch with Asskicker in her arms. Beth knew Sophia was just inside, probably straining to see out the window. Daryl and Beth had both kissed her goodbye, hers planted loudly on a freckled cheek and Daryl's dropped unceremoniously on the top of her head. It had still felt too grave. Too much like goodbye instead of a 'S _ee ya later, Moony_ ,' which is what she'd said in parting. Beth wanted to run back inside and slap the girl, call her a bad name. Something to get her angry so that Beth would  _have_ to come back, if only to apologize. _  
_

The thing about parting on good terms was that it took away reasons to go back. There was no lingering need for closure to bind them together, drag them back to each other.

Beth didn't share her fears with Daryl. She followed just behind him, ignoring the crick in her neck that twinged every time she checked their flanks. She'd nearly fallen asleep wrapped around Sophia, her head at an odd angle as she rested her head on the smaller girl's shoulder. It probably hadn't been any more comfortable for Sophia, but her friend had endured it. She always did, even though she didn't seem to crave the contact as much as Beth did.

"D'ya know where we're goin'?" Daryl asked, glancing at her over his shoulder.

Beth knew the rough location of the nearest prison. Her father hadn't often driven that way, but, occasionally, he visited the feed store in a town that was just past the place. Beth didn't remember exactly which route they'd taken to the feed store, but she was sure she could find her way if she just followed as much of her internal map as she could fill it. If she just saw the turns, she'd be able to choose the right direction.

"I think so," she said a last, giving a little nod. "It usually took us about an hour and a half to get to the town on the other side of it, and I remember getting excited when we saw the prison 'cause I knew we were nearly there."

"Might be able to make it there by tonight, if we make good time and don't get turned around," Daryl said hopefully.

But nine hours later, things weren't looking good. The road they were walking down looked so  _familiar_ , Beth was sure that if they kept walking they'd come upon the prison at any moment. But she'd been thinking that for the last dozen miles of their journey and things were starting to look a little less promising.

"The sun's gonna start goin' down pretty soon," Daryl said hesitantly. "If you wanna head back for the night, now is the time to turn around."

"Maybe just a little farther," Beth replied, pausing to study her surroundings. She was _sure_ they were close.

"Scout can't protect them with her bad leg," he said solemnly. "I know they got the car if they need to get away, but a lot'a things can happen."

Beth sighed and moved to sit on the side of the road, setting her head in her hands.

"I know you wanna find the others, but we gotta worry about our own first," he continued. Beth lifted her head, nodding tiredly as she stared out into the trees. A glint of metal caught her eyes. "Sides, we can always come back out tomorrow. Maybe try takin' the bike. Probably won't be too comfy for ya, but I reckon you could hold on alright."

"Look," Beth cried, jumping up as she realized what she was looking at. She jogged toward the fallen sign and heaved it upright, spinning it around so Daryl could see the words. "Hitchhikers may be escaping inmates," she read aloud. "We're close!"

But if Daryl had a response to this, she did not see or hear it. As soon as the words left her mouth, the hair stood up on the back of her neck and a crackling of dry leaves sent a river of chills down her spine. Beth turned on the spot with a ragged shout, hand already reaching for her knife. By the time she raised it to the walker shambling toward her, a bolt was already sailing through the creature's decaying skull. For a moment, Beth stared at it, watching it wobble on its legs spindly legs.

Then Daryl was pulling on her hand, his mouth at her ear. "C'mon," he shouted, trying to get her attention. "Beth! We gotta go!"

It didn't matter that he was making too much noise -- there were walkers pouring out from between the trees on all sides, reaching toward them with dead hands and wide, gaping mouths. Beth darted forward to yank the bolt out of the walker's head. It fell as she turned, but they were gone before it hit the ground.

If there was any skill in this new world at which Beth excelled, it was running for her life. It was listening to the sound of death at her heels and feeling the sting of her feet hitting the ground. It was going faster and faster, even though she'd been walking all day. It was dragging Daryl by the hand, never letting go, always moving forward. Beth knew how to run.

She also knew how to evade. She was small and quick, and when she dove to the right, Daryl followed. When she stopped running to slip quietly through the trees, Daryl forced his breaths to be silent. When she paused and checked over her shoulder, Daryl simply closed his eyes and leaned against the nearest tree. The dead were still coming, moving toward them in a seemingly endless wave, but they had time. Time to think and plan and catch their breaths.

"Up or run?" Beth asked quietly, flicking her eyes toward the low-hanging branches of a nearby tree. If they could get up it quickly and quietly, they might be able to wait out the herd until it had passed.

There was also a chance they'd be spotted and trapped.

Daryl shook his head. "Run," he said reluctantly, eyes now open and scanning the area. He motioned for her to follow and took off once again, heading deeper still into the trees. Brambles ripped at their ankles and branches whipped at their faces, but they did not cry out. They gritted their teeth and soldiered onward, winding further and further into the woods but never seemed to grow any further from the herd. The sounds of the dead remained loud in her ears, and at last Beth froze, reaching out to grip Daryl's hand.

"Flanked," she gasped, tugging him to their left once more. "On the right. Hear it?"

He didn't need to hear it. A heartbeat later, they could see the walkers coming toward them, from behind and from the right, dead eyes open and staring, staring, staring. Beth was sure they could see right into her soul. Perhaps it was the only thing the could see.

They were horseshoeing around them in a wide arc, and no matter how fast they ran, the bottle neck just kept growing narrower.

"We'll never make it," Beth despaired, but she ran faster anyway, forcing herself not to cry because she couldn't afford to lose that energy. Could afford to waste the tears. They were  _so close_ and not close enough, and Daryl made a sound of anger and disbelief as their escape route closed.

They were surrounded.

"Knife out," Daryl grunted, turning away from her. Beth mirrored him and pressed her back against his. Her knife was in her hand. "We're gonna get through this. Keep a cool head, girl. You remember when we got cornered by the river?"

Beth whimpered at the thought.

"I know, I know," he said soothingly, reaching back to grasp her hand in his own. "I hated it, too. But it worked, and it's gonna work again."

The walkers were drawing closer all around, and Beth desperately wanted to squeeze her eyes shut. Instead, she gripped her knife tighter and gritted her teeth, forcing herself to remain calm. Not to panic. She wasn't just fighting for her own life. The River Maneuver would only work if Beth was working at Daryl's back, keeping him safe. It would work even better if they had Sophia with them, but Beth was glad she wasn't there. Was glad she'd left the girl with a kiss on the cheek instead of a slap.

Leaving on good terms had been the right thing to do.

"Ready?" Daryl hissed.

Beth was not ready. She was not a fighter, no matter how hard Daryl and the road tried to make her one. She was small and she was squeamish, and though she wanted to stay alive, the battle to do so was often much more than she could bear. And often she had cowered while Daryl or Sophia stood above her, strong and brave, and often she had taken up her knife with hands that shook like flower petals, unable to face down the foe without tears in her eyes and a silent plea unuttered on her lips. She was small and she was squeamish, and she was not ready.

But she felt Daryl tense behind her, felt his hand tighten around her own. And she was small and she was squeamish, but she was the only thing standing between their man and certain death.

Beth nodded once and dropped his hand. "Ready," she said. And she would never be ready to face down a hundred walkers. She would never be ready for them to come at her, one after another. She would never be ready to perform the River Maneuver, never in a million years. But she was ready to protect Daryl. She was ready to die for him -- for any of her pack, but especially for their Atlas.

_"You wanna hold her?" Lori asked, holding out the naked pink bundle to their man. His knuckles were already white, but Beth saw his grip tighten on the bedpost. She expected him to decline, but after a moment, he reached out, tentative and awe-struck, for the newborn baby girl. Beth held her breath as Lori laid the girl in his arms._

The first walker was easy. Beth plunged the knife into it's temple and let it drop quickly to the ground.

_He stared down at the baby, his eyes raking over her tiny features with the sort of attentiveness that only he seemed to possess. His mouth was hanging open in wonder, fascination, and he slipped a tentative finger into her little waving fist. "Hi, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice low and gritty with an emotion Beth could only recognize because she'd felt it moments before, when she'd first held the child in her own arms._

The second soon joined the first on the ground, and things got tough when the others started clambering over their fallen to reach her, gaining high ground in the process. But she'd done this before, and she knew to stab upward with her long knife, under the chin and into the brain. She did not miss.

_The baby's hand closed around his finger, and it was like an anvil was dropped on top of their man. All at once, his shoulders drooped down, his arms tightened, gentle but unyielding. His mouth snapped shut and curled into a scowl. It was as if the weight of the world was suddenly on his shoulder, and Beth -- she didn't know why she said it._

_"Get that rock off your shoulders, Atlas. We're happy about this!"_

They were pressing in on all sides, reaching for her around bodies that were now more of a shield than a hindrance, but a hindrance none the less. Beth's breaths were coming in uneven gasps as the vile smell of decay surrounded her, filled up her lungs, diffused into her body.

_"Atlas? What's that supposed to be?"_

"Time for part two," Daryl snarled, reluctance in every word. Beth whimpered but forced herself to comply, and the next body that fell, she let fall against her instead of to the floor. It was propped up by her body and the bodies of it's fellows, but it was still heavy against her, cold and oily in death.

_"You know, Atlas. The titan that held up the world?" Beth teased. "You look like someone just dropped the whole world on your shoulders."_

It got harder and harder to fight, harder and harder to move, harder and harder to breath. Every walker that went down, she pulled as close as she could, and they surrounded her like the pack had this morning. Wound around her the way she'd been wound around Sophia. In her lap the way Lori had held Asskicker. It was a perversion of intimacy. An attack not just on Beth's senses, but on the core of her being. She blinked back tears and bit back frantic sobs, concentrating on the warmth of Daryl at her back.

 _He looked up at her with fury in his eyes, hot and cold, burning and icy. Galvanized. Charged. Ready. Her breath caught in her throat at the look, one that should have struck fear into her heart but instead shot warmth to her very bones, because she knew. She understood that his fury was not at her, but for her. For them. For the girl in his arms. For the pack_.

"Now! Go down!" Daryl grunted. And Beth ducked, let the piled up walkers fall in on her. Her bottom hit the ground with jarring force, and her head knocked against Daryl's hard enough to make her see stars. She shook her head and shot into action, pulling the dead, rotting bodies tighter around them, creating a cocoon of death.

Now, the dead were truly surrounding her. She felt the oily skin of a felled walker pressing against her cheek, sharp joints digging into her stomach, her thighs. One had fallen between her legs, was lying there, guarding her even as she felt violated, soul injured. And the dead were on top of her, live walkers digging at their fallen to try and get to the living souls beneath. Trying to get to her, but only succeeding in pressing the cocoon tighter, safer. And Beth knew it would save her life, but she hated it. Loathed it. Wished she were outside of it, even if it meant she had to face them all down once more.

Daryl slipped his hand into hers.

_"What does that make you?"_

Beth still remembered the sound of those words and the electric thrill they'd shot through her. She remembered the way he'd looked at her, ready to face down all demons in her name. She remembered her name.

"Moonshine," Daryl growled, gripping her hand tighter. "Stay with me, girl. Don't fret, alright? I got you. We just gotta wait, now. Gotta be real quiet. Ya can't start crying yet."

Beth took in a deep, gasping breath. It didn't do anything to stave off her panic. All she could see, smell, taste -- it was death.

"Hush, now, girl," he whispered, holding her tighter still. "It's alright, Moonshine. Steady. Be still."

And Beth was still.

 

When she came too, it was dark. Daryl was shaking her, pulling her into his lap. "C'mon, girl. Gotta get up. Need to find somewhere to bunk up."

The remains of their River Maneuver still surrounded them, but the cocoon was broken, and Beth could breath. When she realized this truth, she sat up ramrod straight, taking in long, gasping breaths of fresh, chilly air. She was filthy, covered in black blood and the thick oil that always seemed to coat the leathery skin of the dead. The smell of it was hanging in her hair, sinking into her skin even as she stood, jerkily and wavering but as quickly as she could.

"I need to wash off," Beth said. Her voice was flat and emotionless. Daryl didn't question her as he pulled her along behind him, and she almost cried when she saw a muddy shore through the trees. The moon seemed to light the surface of the lake, making it glow eerily in the distance. But Beth pushed away her usual superstitions and hurried ahead, unable to be cautious in her haste. She hoped Daryl was being more alert.

When she got to the shore, she stumbled into the water, uncaring of it's frigid temperature. She dropped to her knees and dunked her head under the surface before grabbing a handful of mud and scrubbing it on her arms, her face, her chest. She scoured her body, stripping off her shirt and pants to dunk them furiously into the muddy lake. She'd rather wear dirt and rags than the residue of the dead. There was no competition.

"There's a lakehouse," Daryl said, still hovering behind her. "Ain't much, but looks safe enough."

Beth ignored him. She kept scrubbing and dunking, pulling at her still-sticky hair, only vaguely aware of Daryl doing his own washing somewhere to her right. It was a long time before she was ready to come out. Long after Daryl had finished. She was shaking from the cold when she stumbled toward him, struggling to pull on her sopping wet jeans. Daryl halted her movements and swung her up into his arms, hurrying them toward the dilapidated building a few dozen yards down the shore. She couldn't remember whether or not he'd cleared the place before he pulled her inside and set her on a musty couch, but there was no one inside except them and the spiders.

Beth used to hate spiders.

Daryl was shoving something at her, and she took the thick, heavy fabric in her hands. A towel. Nicer than they had at the farm, and far more than they'd had on the road. Beth straightened up and began drying herself off, starting to think more clearly now that her panic was fading. She was alive and she was clean. A little wet and a little muddy, but  _clean_.

He found clothes, too. Men's clothes, but clothes none the less. Daryl set their clothes out to dry while she struggled into the soft thermal and worn boxers he'd tossed to her.

Beth almost smiled when she thought back to the days where she wouldn't have even  _thought_ about wearing someone else's underwear, let alone a complete stranger's.

Soon enough, they were dry and almost warm, and the only thing that was truly bothering Beth was the dampness of her hair, which was an annoyance she'd been dealing with her whole life. It almost seemed silly that it should irritate her so much, and after a few minutes of thought, she could no longer hold in the laughter. It started as a little giggled and erupted into hysterical, tear-filled, breathless gasps.

Daryl watched her with wary eyes, trying not to show his alarm.

"We're  _alive_ ," Beth was eventually able to say, still gasping but beginning to calm down. She grabbed him by his brand-new t-shit and yanked him into the worst kiss of her life. Jarring. Painful. Short. And when she pulled away, she smiled so widely she thought her face just  _might_ get stuck that way, as her father had always warned her. "We're  _alive_ ," she repeated breathlessly.

He nodded his agreement, still seeming alarmed by her rapidly deteriorating sanity. The look on his face had her giggling all over again, and eventually, a reluctant smile spread across his face. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, and Beth was content to watch him revel in the moment in his own way, wondering if he would ever realize just how often he brought her back from the edge.


	6. Threatened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A beast does not know that he is a beast, and the nearer a man gets to being a beast, the less he knows it."
> 
> \- George MacDonald

They stood at the gate, covered in dried mud and sore from head to foot. They'd left at first light, but it'd taken hours to retrace their steps and find the prison. Now they they stood before it, Beth wasn't sure if she wanted to go any closer. The prison was a grim, looming presence just ahead of them. There were vines crawling up the cracked concrete walls. A thick layer of grime in the windows. An excess of dried blood that coated the courtyard. What drew Beth's eyes most, though, was the severed head mounted high on the outermost fence. It had growled at them as they approached, and now it gnashed its teeth, staring down at them with mad, rolling eyes.

"That's grim," Daryl said, sounding unsure.

"Think they're in there?" Beth asked quietly, watching as he reached out and grasped the chain-link of the gate, staring at something beyond it.

"Yeah," he said with a little nod. "They're here."

She didn't question his certainty. She had already seen the movement his eyes were tracking, and when she squinted against the sun, she could just barely recognize the familiar stride.

"That's Rick," Beth said nervously. Daryl nodded once more, his lips curling into a wary snarl. Beth was surprised when the man drew closer and she caught sight of a similar expression on his face. He looked thin and haggard, and his once kindly eyes were now drawn and hard.

"Daryl Dixon," he greeted. His eyes slid over Beth. "Who's your friend?"

"Beth Greene," Daryl replied, rattling the fence. "Gonna open this thing or what?"

He stared at them a moment longer, seeming to waver on his answer. Finally, he gave a short nod and turned to wave at the dilapidated guard tower. Beth caught the glint of sunlight off the barrel of the rifle that had been pointed at her as it was slowly lowered. "Come on in," Rick said quietly, pulling the gate open a crack. Daryl slipped through first and caught Beth as she edged in after him.

"Stay close to me," he murmured, too quietly for Rick to hear. Beth nodded and slipped a finger into one of his belt loops. She hadn't planned on straying. The walker head had been enough to scare her out of her wits, and she was about ready to turn tail and run as it was, whether or not her father was inside. She might've said something to Daryl if it had not been for Sophia's words at the farm. These were their people.  _Not_ making contact wasn't an option.

But Beth wondered if, maybe, they weren't their people anymore.

Daryl seemed to read Beth's mind. "Saw that head up on your fence," he said gruffly as they followed Rick toward the tall prison building. "S'that all about?"

"It's a long story," Rick replied, his voice as flat and dark as his expression. Daryl glanced back at Beth, clearly dissatisfied with the answer. She knew he had a bad feeling about this place because she had the same one, and every step that brought them closer to that narrow metal door made her stomach roil with anxiety. Who knew what could be in there? Daryl obviously didn't trust this man, and Beth didn't know him from Eden. What were they doing?

"Big," Beth begged, digging in her heels and tugging on his belt loop. He glanced back again and paused when she shook her head, silently conveying her worries. He opened his mouth as if about to speak, about to reassure her, but then snapped it shut.

"Your daddy's in there," Rick supplied, watching the proceedings with a dissatisfied frown on his face. "You're her, aren't you? I didn't recognize you under all that mud. Only knew Daryl 'cause of the crossbow."

The words had Daryl huffing, but he seemed a little less on-edge. "Alright?" he asked her, prying her fingers away from his belt to hold her hand in his own. She gave a reluctant nod, and before she knew it, the wall of the prison was sailing high above them, running for what seemed like miles on either side. Rick pushed open that narrow door, gesturing for them to go in ahead of them. Daryl hesitated a moment, raising his crossbow uncertainly.

"You don't want to do that," Rick said, shaking his head.

And Beth realized it was too late to turn back. If these people wanted to hurt them, then they would. Another glance exchanged this information between her and Daryl, and a moment later, he was pulling her behind him. They stepped out of the sunlight and into a dimly-lit room. At first, all Beth could see was the bars, caging them in. She heard the door click shut behind them, cutting out the daylight that had been flooding in. The room was thrown into dark shadows, the only light coming from the opaque windows and a soft yellow glow from up ahead.

"This way," said Rick, stepping around them and heading toward a metal gate. He pushed it open with a practiced ease and stepped in ahead of them, this time, stopping just inside to set his hands on his hips and glance around the long, double-level room. A cell block, with more cages lining the walls. The soft yellow light was coming from this room, bleeding out from within some of the cells. There were sheets hanging to enclose some of them, but many laid empty and bare, revealing just how small each of the cells really were.

Rick's piercing whistle made Beth jump and Daryl stiffen beside her. Slowly, heads poked out from within cells, lean bodies slunk around corners, and curious faces hung over the railing that lined the second level. A little throng of people was soon gathered in front of them, and Beth had to bite her lip to keep from crying out when she saw Maggie helping her father limp toward them. Also among them were T-Dog and Glenn, Shane and Andrea, and several other people that Beth had never seen before.

"Where's Carl?" Daryl asked, breaking the uncertain silence. Beth held her breath as she waited for the answer. Rick didn't seem pleased by the question. He was regarding Daryl with suspicious eyes, and once again, he seemed to think very hard about his answer.

"In the watch tower," he finally replied. "He's the one that saw you comin' this way."

If Rick saw the way those words let the tension out of Daryl's stance, he didn't say anything about it. He turned instead toward the group of survivors, and his expression didn't seem any less stormy, but his voice lost some of the hardness as he spoke to them. "Some of you will remember Daryl Dixon. Friend of ours from older days," he said loudly. His eyes lighted on Maggie and Hershel. "Some of you will remember Beth Greene."

At this, a strangled cry erupted from Maggie's throat, and Beth had to force herself not to scramble away as the older girl flew toward her and wrapped her arms around Beth's neck. "It  _is_ you," Maggie cried, squeezing her sister tight. And Beth recognized her touch almost at once. She remembered those sixteen years of hugs and kisses and holding hands. But in that moment, her sister's hands were the most foreign thing in the world, and as soon as her hold started to loosen, she stumbled backwards and into Daryl's chest, twining her fingers into the hem of his shirt. She didn't have to look behind her to know exactly where he was. _  
_

She stared at Maggie, tears prickling in her eyes, and took in all the little differences. Her hair was longer than Beth remembered, her skin tanner. Her arms stronger and her body thinner. They were all thinner than she remembered.

"Hi, Maggie," Beth said softly, trying not to see the wounded look on her sister's face. She looked instead at her father, who hadn't rushed toward her at the sound of her name. "Hi, Daddy."

"Bethie," he breathed, holding out his arms to her. She took a step toward him, and then another, and it took three more steps before she realized she was still clinging to Daryl's shirt. Uncertain, she looked back at him, wanting to move forward but unwilling to go any further away from him. He reached down and grasped her hand in his own, carefully prying her fingers away from him for the second time that day.

Beth took a deep breath and stepped into her father's arms. She missed the looked that was passed carefully from father to eldest daughter. Daryl did not.

"Oh, Bethie," said Hershel, brushing his hand through his youngest daughter's muddy hair. "What happened to you?"

"Got muddy," Beth replied, letting out a stuttering sigh that might've passed for a laugh in Daryl's books, but probably sounded more like a sob to her father. He laughed, anyway.

"It's so good to see you again," Maggie said, moving closer and putting her hand on Beth's back. She smiled and squirmed away from them both, wrapping her arms around herself to hide a shiver as she remembered cold, oily skin and dead, grasping hands.

"It's good to see you, too," Beth replied, trying to cover her hasty escape. "We just got back into town. Been lookin' for you for a few days, now."

They stared at her with tight smiles, and Beth fought not to cringe when she realized how flippant her words must've sounded. They hadn't just been out of town on vacation or something, and her family must have been worried sick about her.

"We have showers," Maggie said quickly, trying to gloss over the uncomfortable silence.

"Thank god for that," Daryl said dryly, running a hand through his dusty hair. "Believe it or not, the mud is from tryin'a clean ourselves up."

Beth tittered nervously, snapping her mouth shut when Daryl shot her a quelling look. The look soon turned into a stare as he frowned, worried eyes raking over her as if searching for a physical manifestation of her mental instability. Suddenly, comprehension dawned in his eyes. Beth didn't know what he'd found, but when he lifted an arm out to her, she was all too happy to scurry toward him, duck underneath it. And she could feel more eyes on her back, but she shut off that awareness -- something she only ever did in Daryl's arms. Beth just focused on the sound of his breathing, his hand on her elbow, the warmth that emanated from his body when she turned and buried her face against his chest, still ducked under one arm. She just focused on Daryl, the smell of damp earth and pine.

"Been a rough couple'a days," she heard him saying, his voice a strange rumble in the back of her mind. "Probably overwhelming. Never done well when we met other people out there. She'll calm down."

And she didn't see it -- If she had, it would've broken her heart -- but her father nodded at his words, a look of loss and shock on his paling face as he took in the scene. As he took in the fact that his daughter was made nervous, run into a grown man's arms because people made her nervous. Her own flesh and blood made her nervous. She'd never know it, but it was a tough pill to swallow.

"I'll take you to the showers," said Maggie, breaking the silence once more. "Sasha, why don't you bring some fresh clothes for them?"

If Sasha answered, Beth didn't hear it.  _This_ , Beth thought shrewdly,  _this is why Big doesn't take me out with him. One herd blows through and I'm a wreck._

But she knew it wasn't just from the herd. She knew that no matter what, she would have shied away from Maggie's embrace, her father's hands. They were family but they weren't  _pack_ , and she'd learned the hard way to tell their touches apart from any other. She'd conditioned herself to flee from unfamiliar contact, from grasping hands, from unwanted embraces. And while her family's hugs had been not at all unwanted, they still weren't pack, weren't an extension of her _self_ the way the Atlas pack was.

"The one on the end gets the best water pressure," Maggie called over her shoulder, leading the way into a large, public shower room. Beth was immediately reminded of the police station in Lori's hometown, where they'd stopped for a spell to rest up and, possibly, run into Rick and Carl. It hadn't happened that way and they'd had to leave when a fire blew through the area, but those showers had been nice. The last real shower Beth had taken.

"C'mon, Moonshine," Daryl sighed, prying Beth away from his side and propelling her toward her sister. Maggie caught her and drew her toward the curtained off shower at the end of the room. Somewhere beyond them, the hiss of water could be heard as Daryl began his own shower. Beth just gritted her teeth and tried not to flinch away as Maggie helped her out of her new shirt and sodden jeans.

She didn't know how many times Maggie had seen her in her underwear, or even completely naked. They were sisters. They'd bathed together as children, and that ease of comfort had never really gone away. So it shouldn't have bothered her so much to have the help, especially when it probably seemed like she truly needed it. It still felt like an invasion of privacy that she'd never felt from Maggie before. As if Beth was hiding something that her sister had never seen.

"I can shower without your help, Maggie," Beth murmured, trying to keep her voice neutral. Maggie was quick to withdraw her helping hands, but she stilled stayed behind the curtains, handing over soaps and washcloths until Beth's skin was red and raw from scrubbing. When she could no longer feel dirt on her skin or grease in her hair, Beth stepped out from underneath the lukewarm spray and shut off the water, feeling cleansed but still violated.

She could not forget the feel of dead skin on hers, or the weight of the bodies that had buried her, surrounded her. It was as if the cool air snaking around her wet skin was reaching toward her just the same as the walkers had, and the goosebumps on her arms had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with the memory of being trapped, unable to breath in anything but decay.

"Beth!" Daryl called sharply. She could tell from the tone that it wasn't urgent, but she still hurried to pull on her shirt and made her way toward the sound of his voice. He was sitting on a bench with a towel wrapped around his waist, arm lifted over his head as he examined a bleeding gash on his side. "This here last night?" he asked her, sounding a little bemused.

"Can't remember," Beth admitted, sitting down next to him and probing the wound with her freshly cleaned fingers. "It's not too deep, though. Maybe a branch snagged you while we were running?"

He nodded in agreement and watched while she pressed her own towel against his side, hoping to stop the bleeding.

"Norman," Maggie said. Daryl jerked in surprise at the sound of the name and shot Maggie a sharp glare. Of course, she was staring at the tattoo on his chest, confusion and amusement warring on her face. "Who's that?" she asked, her voice teasing.

"Maggie," Beth warned, knowing the conversation wouldn't end well. The smile fell off of her sister's face as Beth turned back toward Daryl and took his chin in her hand. "Just ignore it," she soothed, pressing a kiss to his temple. He flinched away from her lips, but looked less agitated than he had been, and for the first time since getting her sister back, Maggie wondered just what the young blond had been getting up to without her.

After a few minutes, Beth pulled her towel away to check the cut again. "You're fine," she said with a smile, sitting down beside him. "I'll wait while you get dressed."

He yanked on a shirt before standing, and Maggie knew he was concealing the scars she'd gotten glimpses of at her daddy's farm. He'd been just as cagey and feral back then, so Maggie wasn't surprised by  _his_ behavior. She just wanted to know why her sister was acting the same way.

"Gotta get back to Scout," Daryl said without preamble, fully dressed except for his bare feet. "Y'all got a car we can borrow?"

"You'll have to talk to Rick or Shane," Maggie supplied, leading them now away from the showers. "There's a herd moving through the area right now, but it should be safe to leave by tomorrow morning."

"Can't leave them alone for another night," he growled, gritting his teeth. "Anything could've happened to them."

"Who did you leave behind?" Maggie asked curiously.

"Sophia and a little girl," Daryl replied without missing a beat, causing Beth to frown. Behind Maggie's back, she shot him a look of question, to which he responded with a little shake of his head.  _Let me do the talking_ , he seemed to be saying. Beth could do that. She didn't know what to say, anyway. Not even when they got back to the cell block and everyone was asking them questions, patting their backs, pressing in on all sides. She tried to drown them out, pressed close against Daryl's side, shut her eyes against the swarm of bodies that looked all to menacing in the low light.

She heard Daryl talking, though. "Headed up north for the winter. Got away from the thick of it," he said to Shane. "Nah, didn't run into too many friendlies. Plenty of creeps, though. Living and dead." There were strangers asking questions, trying to introduce themselves, shake her hand. "She's just a little overwhelmed. Got caught in a  herd last night."

Of course, they all wanted to hear the story. Beth tried not to hear. Tried not to think about what they'd done to survive, or how it had felt to lie down with the dead as though she was one of them. And the others seemed so  _impressed_. They cheered, talked about how cool it was, badass. And all Beth could think of was her lips brushing against dead skin every time she turned her head, and how her hand in Daryl's hadn't been enough to stave off the feeling of being alone, all alone...

"I want to go to bed," Beth said stiffly. Daryl craned his head to look at her, and Beth realized that she'd somehow gone from standing beside him to standing behind him, pressed against his back as though she was trying to crawl into his spine. And she ignored the confused, fearful looks from her family. She tried not to see how Daryl's old group was watching them. Told herself it didn't matter if strangers thought her meek, but every time she saw one of their faces, her blood seemed to roar louder in her ears, and Beth had never  _been_ around so many people without fearing for her life -- not since leaving the farm.

"I want to go to bed," she said again, louder this time, more resolute. Her fingers curled tighter into Daryl's shirt, making him jump as her nails scraped against his sides. ( _Ain't_ _ticklish, Scout! Quit it!_ )

"Are you feelin' alright, Bethie?" Maggie asked worriedly, moving toward her once more. Beth couldn't help it this time. She flinched away, thinking of Sophia, and how she should be leaning against her right now, pushing her face against the other girl's spine as they got ready for bed. They should be giggling as Lori tried to change Asskicker's diaper without making a mess. They should all be resting easy in the knowledge that Daryl was taking the first watch.

The room was deadly silent. Even hidden behind Daryl, she could feel eyes on her. She was sure they could hear her heartbeat, strong and flighty in her chest. They were all listening in, strangers and ghosts, and they all knew just how nervous this meeting was making her. _  
_

"Beth?" Heads turned toward the door. Beth just shut her eyes. "Beth! Is that you?"

The sound of footsteps drawing close, loud and quick, drove her hand to her knife, and Daryl's sudden tenseness was enough to quicken her already pounding heartbeat. And Jimmy was there, tall and lanky and still smiling that sweet smile of his, but it didn't matter to Beth. He was coming at them, too fast to run from and too strange to talk to. All she knew was that, suddenly, Daryl was afraid.

Beth only knew that she had to end the threat.

" _No_!" Daryl said sharply, catching her wrist as she raised her hand to strike. His arm snaked around her middle as he dragged her backwards, toward the ring of people that had gathered around them. Beth screamed as she was pulled into the herd, into the hands of death. She hardly recognized her own voice, her own strength as she struggled against Daryl, trying to flee from the danger. She was telling him they had to run, but the words came out as animal cries and snarls, drowned out by the startled voices of the people around them.

She heard her father's voice, his fury ringing out from among the throng: "What did you  _do_ to her?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys want to see something really awesome, you should read "Lions" by zihna. It's beyond excellent, and I took a few bits of inspiration from it. Namely, the severed head. So you should go and give that fic some love. It deserves it far more than my own.
> 
> His/her Daryl is also better than my Daryl. If that's not incentive enough, I don't know what is.


	7. Out of the Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."
> 
> \- Nelson Mandela

Beth opened her eyes to darkness and breathed in the smell of damp earth and pine. She was lying on something soft but lumpy, nose and knees bumping against a cool concrete wall but back and shoulders comforted by the warm, heavy body melded around hers.

"I freaked out," she sighed, shutting her eyes again as she remembered where she was. Daryl hummed in agreement. "They were all touchin' me. I didn't like it," she confided, shifting uncomfortably as the memories of her panic attack washed over her again.

"Sorry," he muttered, shifting away from her.

" _Wait_ ," she whined as she pulled him back.

"Ain't supposed to be in here, anyway."

"Stay," she insisted, turning so that they were face to face. "I didn't mean you. You can touch me all you want. It's the others I don't like. The strangers."

Daryl searched her eyes, worry in his steely blue gaze. "They ain't all strangers, Moonshine," he murmured, reaching up to run his thumb over her cheekbone. "Saw you runnin' from your sister, too. What's got ya strung up, girl?"

"They're not pack," Beth replied, leaning into his hand. "It's been just us for so long. I know when it's Lori or Scout touchin' me. I know when it isn't. Been a long time since I've welcomed the touch of someone other than our pack."

Daryl stiffened beside her. He never knew how to react when Beth started talking about their pack. He usually kept his mouth shut and let her say what she would about it, but this time was different. This time, his eyes lighted with anxiety. "Damn it, Beth," he sighed, shifting closer to her so that he didn't have to raise his voice to get his frustration across. "We ain't animals. We're people, alright? People don't have packs. We have families, and your family is out there thinkin' I'm some kind of demon for turnin' ya away from them and makin' ya into some kind of killer. That ain't you. What the hell happened out there?"

He was so close to her. So warm. "I can be," she said lazily, shifting so that she could tuck her head under his chin. Her arms snaked around his waist, pulling him closer still. She would never pass up the opportunity to cuddle with their Atlas.

"Can be what?" he asked grumpily, not returning her embrace.

"A killer," she replied. "I'd kill for you. For our pack. I'd do anything to protect you."

"That what you were doin'?" he wondered aloud, his voice catching as she pushed her nose into his neck, breathed hot air on his throat. "Protecting me?"

"I know he isn't a threat," she admitted, pressing her lips together as she realized how close she'd come to attacking someone she imagined she once loved. Now, though, there were only feelings of fear and uncertainty connected to Jimmy's name. "I didn't think about it at the time. I saw who was coming, but I also felt you get really nervous when you saw who it was. When you're nervous, I draw my knife. It's a force of habit. And I guess that freaked out you? 'Cause you got scared then. And  _I_ got scared, and he was the only thing coming at us. I just reacted," she explained.

"By tryin'a knife your boyfriend?" he grumbled. He held his breath as he awaited her answer. She was quiet, remembering how happy Jimmy had made her. How sweet he'd been when she'd lost her mother and brother. How he'd been strong for her when she needed it and soft for her when she didn't. It had been a long time since she'd missed Jimmy, though. A long time since she'd thought of him as hers.

Beth turned and licked his shoulder, smiling when his body twitched closer instead of flinching away. "I don't have a boyfriend," she murmured, pressing kisses against his throat, now. "I have you." He didn't fight her. His arms drifted around her, one hand tracing the curve of her spine while the other stroked rough and heavy down her side.

"We startin' that thing now?" he asked quietly, voice heavy with uncertainty and anticipation.

"Right now," she agreed.

And _that thing_ was a family, but when his hand slipped under her shirt, she wasn't thinking about blue-eyed children. His breath was in her ear, hot and stuttered as she unbuttoned his shirt, and she was thinking about how he'd sounded the same that night in the moonshine shack, trying to catch his breath after that first kiss. Beth pressed her lips against that diamond-shaped scar, ran her tongue over the old wound. He was shivering underneath her, quaking like the San Andreas fault. His skin twitched under her fingers, and she ran her hand over the spot again -- that hollow between his hip bone and his belly.

She was shaking, too, but her hands were steady when they reached the waistband of his jeans. They only faltered when his covered her own, and she realized she hadn't kissed him since the shack when he started pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to her throat. He took control, after that. Trapped her underneath him, made a cage with his body. He was still shaking, but she didn't mind. Didn't mind his half-formed words in her ear, or the way he couldn't quite get the hang of gentle, or the jerky, uncoordinated quality of his movements.

Beth was happy. His scent, much like his body, was sinking into her, surrounding her. Sex, she thought, was a maneuver she would not want to wash off of her skin after it was over. She could lie with him forever, clinging to his body as he pressed her into a mattress she couldn't feel, because all her senses were focused on _him_. On Atlas. On damp earth and pine. Beth pressed her nose under his arm and shut her eyes.

It was later -- and Beth was sure he'd fallen asleep -- that she realized what they'd done. That the thing they'd started could have dire consequences. Suddenly, all the reasons they'd been afraid while Lori was pregnant came flooding back to her, and Beth sat up with a pained whine to wrap her arms around her knees.

"We shoudn'a done that," Daryl muttered, drawing her eyes to his prone form. He stirred for a moment but stayed where he was, only turning his head to peer up at her from under heavy eyelids. "Was stupid. Ain't the time."

Beth nodded, looking down at her hands to hide the tears she felt prickling in her eyes.

"Hey," he said soothingly, sitting up and settling his shirt around her shoulders. "None of that, Moonshine. I shouldn'a said anything. We started it, alright? We should just hold off for a while. Gotta wait for things to settle down before we try that again."

"I want to go home," Beth said softly, resting her chin on her knees. "I want the pack."

Daryl dragged her into his lap and pressed his lips against the back of her neck the way he'd seen her do to Sophia a million other times. "Want them, too," he admitted, wrapping his arms around her. "Bright and early, though, you and me are gonna go out and get them. Can all fit in this cell, probably. Have a space for just us, alright?"

She nodded sadly, turning to wipe her cheek on her shoulder. Daryl pushed her hair out of the way, gathering together and pushing it over one shoulder so he could rest his chin on the other. "Asskicker's dad is here," he said after a moment. "Her real one."

"You  _are_ her real dad," Beth insisted.

"How're we gonna explain that, Beth? Either we tell 'em she's mine --  _really_ mine -- or we tell them you're mine," he sighed, his breath raising goosebumps on her arms. "'Less you want them to think I'm screwin' you _and_ Lori."

"I don't really care what they think," she replied, pulling his shirt tighter around her. "They're going to think that, anyway. They way we are with each other... there's going to be a lot of that going around, okay? It was never gonna be easy."

Daryl sighed again. "Then there ain't really a point to me goin' back to my own cell, is there?" he muttered, biting at this thumbnail.

"I wouldn't let you if you tried," she shot back, turning to wrap her arms around his neck. She pressed her lips against his, pushing him onto his back.

"Thought we were gonna hold off," he mumbled.

"One more time isn't gonna hurt anything."

 

They'd never asked Lori what she would tell the group about Asskicker when they were reunited. It had seemed insensitive when they first found out about the pregnancy, and then rather obsolete once they felt comfortable enough with her to ask. Once Asskicker was born and they'd all fallen so hard and fast for her charms, it had just been to awful to think about what could happen when their little pack met up with the rest of the group. So Beth didn't know what to expect whent hey got back to the prison. She didn't know what would happen when they got back to the farm.

"Tired?" Beth asked, glancing over at Daryl as he suppressed another wide yawn. She was driving while he lounged in the passenger seat, looking far more at ease that she knew him to be.

"Didn't sleep well," he murmured, giving an easy nod.

"I heard," Maggie snapped, reminding them of her presence in the backseat. Darl adjusted the rear-view mirror so that he could glare at her without turning around. Beside her, Glenn shifted uncomfortably, clearly unhappy with the tension.

"You got somethin' ta say, sister?" Daryl demanded, his voice a menacing growl. Maggie shot him a hateful look but remained silent. It only served to incense him all the more. "Look, you think I gotta --"

"Big," Beth warned, readjusting her mirror and shooting him a pleading look. It might've worked if it hadn't been for Glenn's surprised giggle.

"What?" Daryl demanded, twisting around in his seat to glare at the younger man. Glenn immediately paled under Daryl's furious gaze.

"Nothing, man," he said hastily. "I mean, it's just...  _Big_? That's your nickname? Do I even want to know?"

This time, Daryl turned his glare to Beth, clearly blaming her for the turn of events. She tried not to smile at how miserable he looked, remembering that he'd protected her from the strain of social situations the day before.

"It's short for Big Bear," she revealed, ignoring Daryl's irritated huff. "Me and Sophia came up with it."

"And Sophia's nickname is Scout?" he asked curiously. At Beth's nod, a smile stretched across his face. "What's yours, then?"

"Moonshine," she said with a little chuckle.

"Why Moonshine?"

Beth and Daryl exchanged a glance, Beth giving an almost imperceptible shake of her head. After a few minutes of silence, Glenn appeared to decided he wouldn't get an answer. "Well, I can see you two are well-fed. How's Sophia doing?" he wondered aloud.

"Broke her ankle the other day," Daryl said with a frown.

"And you left her on her own?" Maggie asked, sounding surprised. "With a little kid?"

Beth exchanged another long look with their man. This time, he turned toward the couple with an answer ready: "Lori's with 'em. And before ya ask, her nickname is Mama Bear."

"Lori  _Grimes_?" Glenn asked at once, sounding shocked. "Why didn't you say anything at the prison? Rick would've wanted to know! What about Carl? Shane?"

"We're here," Beth said sharply, parking the car beside the minivan Daryl and Sophia had brought back on their first day at the farm. "Stay in the car. We'll be right out."

With that, Beth dragged Daryl into the house, eager to get away from the extra company and into the welcoming fold of her pack. "Mama! Scout!" Beth called, slowing down as she took note of Daryl's cautioning look. Her fears were assuaged when she heard Sophia's happy shout and Lori's cry of relief. The woman in question immediately appeared out of the kitchen with Asskicker on her hip and tears flooding her eyes. Beth knew at once that something was wrong.

"Mama?" Daryl asked, moving forward to pull the woman into his arms, taking in her blackened eye and bruised wrists as he approached. "What happened? Y'alright?"

"There were men here," she murmured. "Sophia and I took them out. It's fine, now."

For a moment, there was silence. Beth covered her mouth to conceal her horror, but Daryl had no such qualms. A noise of anger and disbelief came out of his mouth, and Asskicker squawked as he crushed the two against his chest. "Y'alright?" he asked again, his voice coming out no more than a croak.

"I'm fine," Lori said flatly. "Now what happened?"

Daryl finally released her, only to push past her to search out Sophia. Beth stepped forward to give Lori a hug before leading her after their man. She found him carrying Sophia down the hall, and Beth forced them to stop so that she could make sure her friend was okay and give her another kiss on the cheek.

"I'm glad you're back," Sophia sniffled, an arm looped around Beth's neck to keep her close.

"Let's get movin'," Daryl said sharply. "Can talk in the car. Gotta figure some shit out. Go get our stuff."

They really only had three bags. The largest held mostly clothes while the other two had food, medication, and various bits and pieces of gear that they'd picked up over the months. Beth had a smaller backpack, too, that contained a few personal belongings. She grabbed it out of her bedroom and checked to make sure her precious music box was inside it before throwing it into the trunk.

A few feet away, Glenn and Lori were exchanging a heartfelt hello, with him asking a lot of questions and her simply smiling in return.

"We're burnin' daylight, kids," Daryl snapped, bouncing Asskicker on his hip. He held the door open for Lori and then quickly handed the baby over to her before climbing into the passenger seat of the van.

"See ya back at the prison," Beth called out the window, trying not to see the look on Maggie's face as she drove away. "Okay, are you going to give them the rundown or should I?" she asked nervously, glancing over at Daryl once more. He was biting his thumb, lost in thought, but after a moment, her gave a sharp nod and turned toward the rest of the pack. Beth listened carefully while he explained about the herd and finding the other group at the prison. Lori cried when she heard Carl was alive and well and actually cheered when she heard about the showers. He left out the part about what had happened the night before, but Beth figured that information was on a need-to-know basis.

"So here's what we need to know," Daryl sighed, reaching out for Asskicker. Lori handed her over readily, smiling as she watched their man hold the girl close. "Who's baby is she, Mama?"

Lori hesitated, her eyes on Beth. "I don't want to come between..."

"Don't worry about that," Beth said firmly. "It doesn't matter, okay?"

"Then you are," she said resolutely, looking back at Daryl. "I wouldn't take her away from you, Big. If you want her, she's yours. I just don't know... I thought you'd want to keep this spot open for... for Beth?"

Beth couldn't keep the smile off her face, at that. They'd never talked about her and Daryl before, and it was nice to know Lori recognized their bond.

"Moonshine?" Daryl probed, handing the question over to her. Beth cleared her throat.

"I don't care what they think about us, Mama," she said softly. "I know it's going to turn heads, but if that's what's going to keep us together, so be it."

"It's going to be  _really_ weird," Sophia giggled. Daryl shot her a look.

"Y'okay with all this, Scout?" he asked uncomfortably.

"Whatever keeps us together," she said with a shrug, echoing Beth's words.

"Then it's settled," Daryl said, cooing at Asskicker. "You're ours, girl. Gonna stay that way."

The rest of the drive was quiet, the silence only broken by Asskicker's happy babbling and Daryl's occasional murmurs to the little girl. All too soon, they were turning onto the dirt road that led up to the prison, hidden ominously among the trees.

"Maybe we should just  _go_ ," Beth sighed, tapping her fingers on the wheel as she waited for Jimmy and a girl she didn't recognize to open the gates. "Do we really need the rest of the group?"

But as soon as she said it, she remembered that Lori's son was here, and that Asskicker would be  _safer_ here. That they could sleep easier here. Stay warmer. Maybe even eat better, though Beth doubted it, considering how thin everyone seemed to be. These people probably  _needed_ Daryl. Who had been hunting for them while he was away?

She was glad when none of them answered her, and after she parked the van with the other cars, Beth got out and went around to help Sophia out. Dutifully, she took the medicine pack on her back and pulled Sophia's arm over her shoulder. As soon as Daryl and Lori were ready to go, Beth followed after them, helping her friend to limp inside the dark prison building.

"Lori?" someone croaked. Beth needed a moment for her eyes to adjust before she recognized the speaker as Rick. "Lori!" he cried, moving quickly toward her. Beth shuffled closer to Daryl, dragging Sophia along with her. Their man kept quiet, still bouncing Asskicker on his hip as he watched the proceedings with sharp eyes.

Rick rubbed his eyes as if he didn't quite believe them. "Is that really you?" he asked in a low voice, openly staring at his wife. "I-I thought you were dead...."

"That's okay," Lori said gently. "I suppose it makes us even."

He took a hesitating step forward and then stopped, shaking his head a little. "Carl... he'll want to...."

"Mom?"

And  _there_ was the heart-wrenching reunion that Beth had been waiting for. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched Carl shoot out of the shadows and into Lori's arms. "Mom!" he cried, burying his face in her shoulder. Even Daryl was smiling a bit as he watch the exchange, and soon Carl had moved on, pulling Sophia into a careful hug as well. "I missed you," he said to his old friend, and though he'd said it many more time to his mother, the words didn't seem to lose their power. Beth wondered if it was very strange to feel jealous as she watched Sophia's smile almost crack her face in two. When he released her, he nodded shyly at Beth and turned his attention to Daryl. "Thank you for taking care of my mom," he said, eyes and voice guarded.

"Ain't nothin'," Daryl replied, clearly uncomfortable with the recognition. "She did more than enough takin' care of us."

"Who's this?" he asked, reaching out to let Asskicker grab onto his finger.

"Name's Asskicker," Daryl grunted. "Daughter."

"Whose daughter?" Rick asked, suddenly speaking up from his place at the back of the room. Others had started to gather again, curious to meet the newcomers.

"Mine," Daryl replied, staring intently at the other man.

"Where'd she  _come from_?" he pressed, moving through the throng. Lori was quick to step between them, her hand going to the knife on her belt.

"Don't," she said flatly, shaking her head. "She's nothing to do with you, Rick."

"Ours," Daryl spat, shifting the baby girl into his left arm so that his right hand would be free. Beth grabbed onto it and held it in her own, not wanting their man to do anything too rash. Behind her, Beth heard Maggie's angry cry.

" _Whose_?" she demanded, moving to stand beside Rick. "'Cause _mine_ and _ours_ don't tell us much about what y'all have been up to since we got separated. I want to know  _exactly_  where that thing came from, and I want to know  _now_."

Beth tugged on Daryl's hand when she felt him tense, and a quick look at his face told her he was spitting mad. Beth glanced over to meet Lori's eyes, but the woman seemed just as lost for words as Beth was.

"She belongs to the pack," Sophia said after a moment. Beth tugged the girl closer, hating that all eyes were now on their most vulnerable pack member. "I don't think it matters where she came from. What matters is that she's here now, and she's  _ours_. Nothing to do with any of you, just like Lori said. Right?" she pressed, looking to Beth and Daryl. Their man nodded tightly, jaw ticking, and Beth knew he was fighting to keep his mouth shut.

"I think that about sums it up," Beth agreed, giving Daryl's hand a squeeze.

The declaration was met with silence, and Beth noticed that Rick and Maggie's gazes weren't the only ones scorching. Hershel looked none too pleased and Andrea had a wary look in her eyes. There were strangers, too, that looked on them with suspicion and distaste. Many of them were staring at Asskicker, but still more had their eyes on  _her_ , and Beth remembered that she'd drawn her knife on Jimmy the day before. She frowned, realizing that she should probably apologize for that.

"For what?" Daryl snapped, his eyes cutting sharply to her. Beth started when she realized she'd been speaking her thoughts again.

"For yesterday," she explained, looking around until she found Jimmy's familiar figure. He was staring right back at her, looking just as fearful and suspicious as his fellows. "I didn't mean to cause trouble. I just... panicked. You caught me at a bad time. I'm sorry."

A nod was his only response. Her words didn't seem to put anyone at ease.

"We have space for all of you in C Block," Rick said, cutting into the silence with a business-like voice. "Take whatever is open."

"Rick!" Maggie protested, shooting him a look of betrayal. "Are you just gonna let this go?"

"It's not my concern," he said flatly, turning and stalking out of view. Carl followed after him without a word.

Maggie followed close behind them when they made their way into the cell block, toting their meager belongings to the cell Beth and Daryl had shared the night before. She didn't speak, but watched with worried eyes and an angry scowl as they piled their things in a corner. Every time she caught Beth's gaze in her own, the younger girl could see clear questions written across her face, disapproval radiating from her familiar stance -- shoulders hunched, arms crossed tightly over her chest.

"You don't have to look at me like that," said Beth, unable to stand her accusing eyes any longer. "I haven't done anything wrong."

"I wouldn't know," Maggie shot back. The next time Beth looked up, she was gone. It eased her nerves but tore at her conscience as she helped Daryl and Lori drag the thin mattresses off the bunks and onto the floor, side-by-side. Daryl disappeared for a moment only to come back with a third mattress and Andrea in tow, carrying an armful of sheets, pillows, and blankets.

"Welcome home," she said with a hollow smile, handing the sheets off to Lori. Her eyes lingered on Asskicker, who was squirming around in Sophia's lap. "Wherever she came from, she sure is a cutie," she offered, her smile a bit more genuine as she watched the pair. "I didn't catch her name."

"Asskicker," Sophia supplied. Andrea raised an eyebrow.

"I can guess who named her," she murmured, giving their cell one final sweeping look before drifting away. As soon as she was out of sight, Daryl grabbed a knife and his crossbow and stared intently at Beth.

"Are you gonna be okay to watch after them if I go have a look around?" he asked gruffly.

"Are you gonna be okay not to punch someone in the face?" she shot back. His impatient huff prompted her to continue. "I'll be okay, I think."

"Alright. Be back here in a few hours, alright? Maybe take the kids to see the showers," he suggested, heading out of the cell. "I'll be around."

"The showers can wait," Lori said quietly, abandoning the sheets she'd been trying to spread over the three beds and sitting down beside Sophia. "I was so scared when you didn't come back," she murmured, holding her arms out for Beth to join them. Beth wasted no time in throwing herself into the woman's arms, glad to be back in the familiar embrace. For a long time, she just laid across Lori's lap and listened to the woman cry softly to herself.


	8. Inmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
> 
> \- John F. Kennedy

"Dinner's ready!" called a familiar voice, almost managing to put a smile on Beth's face. How many times had she heard her father say those exact same words before? It almost seemed too good to be true that she could be hearing them again. She looked over at Lori, who was struggling to dry her hair while balancing Asskicker on her hip.

"Are you hungry?" Beth asked, wishing she could take the fussy baby from their Mama Bear. If she hadn't been helping to support Sophia, she probably would have.

"It's hard not to be, these days," she said shrewdly, finally abandoning her mission and focusing her energies on subduing her squirming daughter. Beth giggled at the familiar sight and tried not to feel nervous as they finally emerged in prison lobby. Her eyes immediately landed on her father, who was serving bowls of a water stew to a long line of survivors. Beth was starting to recognize the faces of the strangers, even if she didn't know their names.

"I'll serve you now, if you'd come to the front of the line," he called to them, eyes on Sophia. Beth helped her friend hobble forward, her pulse quickening as Lori moved to stand at the back of the line.

"Hi, Daddy," she said, a genuine smile on her face as she realized he had a beard, now. "You look like Santa Claus."

Hershel smiled back at her, but this time, Beth saw the conflict roiling behind his eyes. "Hello, Bethie, Sophia," he said gently, handing a bowl of stew to the latter. "I had Maggie save a table for us just over there. Enough room for everyone."

"Thank you, Daddy," she replied, taking a bowl for herself and turning toward the metal picnic tables that filled the lobby. She saw Maggie sitting near the back of the room with Glenn right beside her. "I guess we should go sit down," she said sourly, heading in that direction.

"It'll be fine, Moony," Sophia said firmly. "Me and Mama are gonna be right next to you, alright?"

And it was true. When Beth sat down, Sophia sat beside her, and after a moment, Lori slid in right across from her. "It's good to see you again," she said, offering a smile that Maggie didn't return. She hadn't said anything when Beth sat down, either, but the young blond had tried to tell herself it was just because Beth hadn't offered a greeting herself.

"So, how old is little Asskicker?" Glenn asked loudly, shooting Maggie a pleading look.

"A few months," Lori said vaguely, taking a bite of her stew. Beth remembered that she had her own bowl and started shoveling it into her mouth. They ate in silence. Beth wondered if she should try and eat quickly so that she could excuse herself or as slowly as she could so that she could keep busy. Her dilemma was solved when Daryl and Hershel arrived at the table.

"Slow down," Daryl advised, his eyebrows shooting up as he watched her eat. "Don't make yourself sick."

"It's mostly water," Hershel said somberly, eating a spoonful of the broth out of his own bowl. "I doubt it could make anyone sick unless it was from lack of nutrition."

Beth smiled grimly to herself, her suspicions confirmed, while Daryl's mouth twisted into a frown. "No good game around here?" he asked sharply.

"No good hunters," Glenn replied.

"I can go tomorrow," he huffed, looking down at the broth in disdain. "Can't feed people on this."

Lori was rolling her eyes, exchanging a knowing look with Sophia. Daryl was in one of his moods again, and the two were bracing themselves for his attitude. The situation was so familiar, even in the strange new setting. Beth could hardly keep the smile off her face as she continued eating, resisting the urge to lift the bowl to her lips even when Daryl succumbed to the desire.

It was easier, after that. Beth didn't worry about what to do with her hands after she finished eating. Sophia was right beside her, so she did what she always did and began playing with the other girl's hair, running her fingers through the thick locks, still damp from the shower, the waves still springy after being released from their braid. Across from them, Daryl was entertaining Asskicker over Lori's shoulder while she tried to burp the fussy girl. She was in one of those states halfway between laughing and screaming and Daryl was trying to urge her toward the former. It was just like any night for the pack.

Except for all the people stealing little glances at them. Beth tried to keep her focus on her own table, noting that Hershel, Glenn, and Maggie weren't trying to hide their fascination with the pack. Beth took a deep breath and turned to her sister, reaching under the table to take Sophia's hand in her own.

"Asskicker's just cuttin' another tooth," she explained, trying to keep her voice steady. "She'd been real fussy lately."

"Almost got us eaten on the way here," Daryl agreed, not looking away from his task. "Isn't that right, walker bait? Whole state of Georgia could hear ya, couldn't they?"

"I can look for teething tablets on my next run," Glenn offered, jumping on the conversation opener.

"That would be amazing," Lori sighed, giving up on trying to burp her daughter and handing the fussy child over to Daryl. "She's ten times worse than Carl ever was."

As she said it, her eyes flashed across the room to where Carl was sitting with Rick. Also at their table were Shane, Andrea, and a handful of strangers. Beth noticed a young girl among them, laughing at something Shane was telling her. Carl seemed to find it less than amusing.

"I'm sure he'll come around," Hershel said soothingly, reaching out to take Lori's hand. "Why don't you see if you can talk to him after dinner? He and Glenn usually go out to check the fences right before dark. I'm sure you could tag along."

She smiled her thanks but was saved from answering when Rick stood and cleared his throat. The room was quickly thrown into silence as his eyes landed on their table.

"Since we have some new folks here, I thought it'd be a good idea to go around and introduce some people. We've had three new groups join us since we left the farm, technically four, now that we've got Daryl and his crew back," he explained, running a weary hand through his hair. "Why don't we go in order of arrival?"

He was staring at a group of three men that sat rather further away than the rest of the gathered people. The smallest of the three stood and cleared his throat. "Hello. Y'all know us by now, but the name's Axel. This here is Oscar and Big Tiny. Been at the prison for a long time, now. Since before the start of this thing. Used to be we had two more guys with us, but they were no good. Got themselves shot, and good riddance."

Next, a woman named Sasha stood up. She introduced her brother, Tyreese, and a father and son named Allen and Ben. They'd been a part of another group that had dwindled to just the four of them and soon found themselves entering the prison, not knowing there would be other survivors around. After a quick confrontation, they'd been allowed to join the main group.

The last was a group of three, two woman and the little girl Beth had noticed earlier. The woman who introduced herself as Tara stood to speak for her sister, Lilly, and niece, Meghan. They'd been holed up in an apartment with their father, who had died in his sleep and soon reanimated. She'd almost been bitten, but Shane had been on a run in the area, and hearing their screams, and saved the day. It took a bit of convincing, but the three eventually agreed to accompany him back to the prison.

Rick thanked them all for speaking and went over a bit of what had happened since the farm. As Daryl had guessed, the group met up at the highway after the herd blew through, having taken the cars to get away. They'd waited for a couple days before pushing onward, and a sudden influx of walker herds had pushed them toward the prison, which they'd cleared in a matter of weeks.

"Been here ever since," Rick said with a small smile. "It ain't much, but it's a kind of home."

This was met by a few answering chuckles and some reverent murmurs of agreement. Then, all eyes were on Beth's table, skating over her as they took in the other four members of the Atlas pack. Beth realized they were avoiding looking at her too carefully. That they were afraid of her -- afraid enough that they could stare longer as Daryl than they could at her. She was speechless at the revelation, and subsequently silent as the pack looked to her, waiting for their resident chatterbox to tell the story of their pack.

When it became clear she wasn't up to the task, Daryl gave an impatient huff and turned his stare to Sophia, instead. She was a quiet girl, but when she spoke it was clear and to the point. Beth still thought that Daryl ought to be the one speaking -- he was a storyteller. When prompted, he could spew all kinds of bedtime stories and storybook allegories. He knew old legends, fairytales, and every kind of western movie plot imaginable. When Beth needed to get her mind off something, it was Daryl and his stories that she sought out.

But she knew he wouldn't want to speak for them, and certainly not in front of all these people. Beth was sure he didn't even think of himself as their leader. In a way, that was Lori's job. When they argued, Lori was the one to settle things. She was the one that had made up the rules about not eating where we slept and  _always_  washing off walker blood before picking up Asskicker. But Beth knew that if Daryl was reluctant to speak for them, Lori would want to even less. She'd been trying not to draw attention to herself all day.

So the job fell to Sophia, who cleared her throat in a particularly dainty gesture and looked down at the table as she spoke.

"We ran, after the farm," she began without preamble. "I don't think there were any cars left. When we got back a few days ago, we only saw the motorcycle. Either way, there were walkers all over. We just ran for the woods. It was the closest cover. There were walkers on our tail for days, though. I don't know where we were when we finally lost them, but we eventually found a road and we followed that until we found a gas station that had maps. We were pretty far from the farm, but we found a car and tried to go back. We got cut off by a herd, though. Every way we tried, we got cut off by herds."

She paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. "We argued a lot," she revealed, her eyes cutting to Beth. They all remembered how badly the two had gotten on at first. Sophia hadn't been happy with Beth's suicide attempt. Beth hadn't liked  _anyone_. "It was miserable, for a while. The weather was getting colder and after a while... we found out Asskicker was on the way."

"Cold slows them down," Daryl cut in, sounding defensive. "We were seein' it every day. Slow in the mornings before the sun warmed 'em up. The cold slows them down. We were lookin' for the others every damn day, but the cold slows them down. Slowed them down and nearly killed us. We had to find shelter for the winter, 'cause movin' around was killing us. Filled up the car with as much gas as we could and headed north. Just planned to stay up there for the winter, but we found a good place. Up in the mountains, no walkers for miles. Holed up there for the winter and stayed when Asskicker was born. Just 'til she was big enough to run around with."

The story wasn't over. The silence that hung in the air was expectant, because it was clear by the way but Sophia and Daryl had ended their speeches that there was more to the tale. And Beth knew that even when Sophia got to the part where they sat down and told a prison full of people about their life, it still wouldn't be done. There was so much in between. So much that had little to do with events but everything to do with  _them_. With who they were. She knew that no matter how detailed their accounts were, they could never say enough to fill in their time apart. They could never explain the process of becoming another person -- becoming not just an assortment of individuals, but a group that functioned as one. _  
_

"We made up nicknames for each other," Beth said musingly, a little smile on her face. She didn't bother to share the nicknames. She hadn't even wanted to tell Glenn and Maggie, though she wasn't exactly adverse to them knowing. "It was hard to get along, at first, but we figured it out. By the time Asskicker came around, we were thick as thieves. The harder things got on the outside, the easier it got on the inside. Even when it started snowin' and we could hardly get out to hunt... we still had each other, and it was good."

"Daryl tells stories," Lori said, smiling fondly at their man. "None of us knew until Asskicker came. Then, all of the sudden, he's spouting all these bedtimes stories to her. She didn't understand a word of it, I'm sure, but we were all hooked. No television, hardly enough light to see you hands in front of your face, let alone read, and we didn't have too many books around, anyway... We survived the winter on fairytales and canned green beans."

"He taught us to fight," Sophia pitched in. "We found a bow and he taught me to use it. Beth tried, too, but she's better with her knife. He taught us how to hunt and track, too."

"Naturals," Daryl grunted. "Both of 'em."

"Not at first," Beth reminded him, laughing as she recalled how frustrated he'd been with her those first few hunts. "I didn't get good at it until Scout started teaching me instead. You would take her out on her own, and then later she would tell me what you told her. I guess I learn better without all the yelling."

"You're better than I am, now," Sophia complained, a grin on her face. "The only reason Big takes me out all the time is 'cause he can't concentrate around you. He told me."

"In confidence!" Daryl snapped.

"He tells me everything," she said with a wide smile, flashing her teeth to answer Daryl's glare.

"Glenn is just the same way," Maggie said after a moment, keeping the conversation going. "He has the kind of face you can trust, but he can't keep anything to himself. Isn't that right, darlin'?"

"I don't like keeping secrets!" Glenn said defensively, causing the whole room to chuckle.

The tension was broken, and the evening was spent recounting tales of friendships and life on the road. The prison lobby was filled with chatter and laughing voices, and Beth decided she could do it. She could live among these people, as long as the pack was beside her. With a sleepy smile on her face, Beth leaned her head on Sophia's shoulder and listened to the sound of happy conversation. It had been so long since she'd heard people like this, and the euphoria was almost enough to lull her to sleep.

"I think it's someone's bedtime," said Lori, standing with Asskicker in her arms. Beth blinked up at her, suddenly alert as she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Across the room, Shane had stood at the same time as Lori, his eyes tracking her every move. Beth watched suspiciously as the woman at his side -- Lilly -- tugged at his arm, urging him to sit down again. He waved her off.

"Big," she said nervously, her eyes darting between their man and the other, "Big, you should go with her."

Daryl followed her gaze and, with a sharp nod, stood to follow her. Beth breathed a sigh of relief when Shane sank back into his seat, a scowl on his face.

"That's not good," Sophia said quietly, running her fingers through Beth's hair in an effort to calm the other girl. Slowly, she let her hand slip away from the knife on her belt, wondering when she'd reached for it in the first place.

"She was all he talked about for months," Maggie revealed, worry in her soft grey eyes. "Things got better when he stopped looking for her, and then when he found Lilly and Meghan... we all thought it was over for good. He's been a different man since they got here. A great one. But now...."

Beth shot to her feet, galvanized by fear and Maggie's words.

"Beth?" Maggie asked, reaching out to her sister only to pull her hand back as she remembered herself. Beth took a deep breath and leaned down to give her sister a quick hug.

"I gotta be with them," she said nervously, helping Sophia to her feet. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? You too, Daddy."

Inside their cell, Lori was settling Asskicker in a laundry basket lined with sheets and blankets. Daryl watched her from the bunk, resting uncomfortably on the bare metal frame. She took in the grim look on his face and the near-constant tick of his jaw. It didn't take an expert to figure out what kind of mood he was in. With a heavy sigh, Beth settled Sophia on their bed and moved to sit beside their man, reaching tentatively for his hand. The glare he shot her was icy as ever, but he didn't pull away when she slipped her fingers between his.

"It's just going to take some time," she said softly, reaching up to move his hair out of his eyes. "Things are gonna be okay, though. We take care of each other. We're not going to let anything happen to our Mama, okay?"

Beth felt more than saw when Lori stiffened behind her, apparently bothered by the words. Beth half-turned, freezing when she heard the older woman's stuttered sob.

"Mama Bear?" she asked, whirling around and flinging her arms over the woman's shoulders, meaning to draw her into a hug but ending up draped on her back as she refused to turn around. "What's wrong?" she demanded, her heart pounding as she fought down that urge that always sent her hand sailing to her knife. There was nothing she could kill to make this better. Beth couldn't do much more than guide her to the bed, where she sat down beside Sophia and drew her knees up to her chest.

"There's something you need to know," Lori said quietly, her eyes finding Daryl's. He remained on the bunk, waiting.

"Do you want me to tell him?" Sophia asked quietly. Lori shook her head and wiped her eyes on the worn denim that covered her knees.

"No, I've got it, honey," she murmured, tucking her arms around her legs and looking down at her painted toes. Beth remembered when they'd done that, and how excited they'd all been to find nail polish that day. Lori seemed to remember, too, because the slightest of smiles flickered across her face, only to be replaced by a a frown as she spoke: "We saw your brother. He was with the men that came. They were looking for Michonne -- he said he'd been tracking her for days."

Daryl was silent for a moment, his mouth pressed into a thin line. He leaned forward and rest his elbows on his knees. "What happened to him?" he asked stiffly, speaking to his hands.

"I lied when I said we took them out," she revealed, looking up at him once more. "I had Sophia and Asskicker hidden upstairs, and he came in... I knew I had to talk to him. They were going to find them, but I thought... I knew what kind of men they were. I didn't know if he was the same, but they were going to find the girls. I told him he couldn't let them go upstairs. He didn't, but...."

Beth had heard enough. She tried to shush the woman, but she rambled on, words tumbling out of her mouth faster than she could put the sentences together. "He said they'd already seen me. There was nothing he could do. He didn't let them go upstairs but they...."

"They left, eventually," Sophia said flatly, her voice made heavy by fury and disgust. "He told me I had to stay hidden or they'd find Asskicker. He said they'd kill her. He was trying to protect us. But that doesn't make it okay." Sophia's eyes were glued to Daryl, watching for some kind of reaction. "Look at me," she said at last, a deadly gravity in her voice. He finally looked up, his face carefully blank. "If he comes back," Sophia said furiously, shaking as she practically spat the words. "If we  _ever_ see him again... there's no coming back from that. He could have stopped it. He didn't. There's no excuse. There's nothing he could say to make it any better. No amount of apologies can ever make it right. If he comes back, you need to send him away. He will _never_ be welcome here."

And by  _here_ , Beth understood that she meant not just at the prison, but within the pack.

Daryl nodded, his face an emotionless mask. Slowly, his head dropped back between his hunched shoulders, and Sophia gave a shuddering sigh, seeming to release the anger she'd wielded so readily a moment before. She wrapped her arms around Lori's shaking shoulders, and with her eyes on Beth, jerked her chin toward the stoic man across the cell. The gesture was familiar enough.  _I got this. You take care of him._

"It's not your fault," Beth said softly, scooting forward until she was near enough to rest her cheek against his knee. "It isn't, okay? No one blames you for this. It wasn't your fault."

Beth would say it until he believed her if she thought it would work, but she knew better than that. By the time Lori and Sophia were sleeping soundly, she'd already been silent four a long time, simply stroking her fingers through his hair, feeling his tension slowly melt away. He'd long since abandoned the bunk, and she was lying between him and Sophia, trying not to wake the other girl as she began to hum. The tune was one he knew well enough -- Fur Elise, like her music box played.

His eyes slipped shut as the sound, but Beth knew he was nowhere near sleep. She sighed and tucked his head against her chest, holding onto him as tightly as she could.

When she awoke, he was already gone, his whispered words still buzzing in her ears.  _Stay close to her. I'll be back_. _  
_

He would be. He might not be punctual, but he always came back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, in this universe, Lori never ended up finding out for sure about the pregnancy while at the farm. After speaking to Daryl that one time in 'Not His', she realized she was tearing the group in two directions with all her go-between with Rick and Shane, and she decided to keep her mouth shut and her head down. So none of them -- not even Glenn -- knew she was pregnant while at the farm.


	9. No Quitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For indeed I am raising up the Chaldeans, a bitter and hasty nation which marches through the breadth of the earth, to possess dwelling places that are not theirs."
> 
> \- Habakkuk 1:6

Shane wasted no time. In those first few hours of bleary morning light, he appeared, dark and menacing, at the mouth of the cell.

"I have eyes," he hissed, his voice low because Lori and Sophia were still fast asleep. "I can  _see_ that girl. You think I can't see?"

Beth didn't respond. Her hand was clenched tightly around her knife, and this time she remembered reaching for it. She remembered the prickling of hairs on the back of her neck and looking away from the giggling baby to see a shadow leaning in the doorway. There was a calculating look in his eyes, which flicked endlessly from the baby to the knife to the glint of Beth's fearful eyes.

Shane knew better than anyone what fear and love could drive someone to.

"I get it," he said after a moment, the words tasting bitter and unpleasant on his tongue. "Don't you ever think I wouldn't. I love Carl and Meg like my own. I get it. But when Rick showed up, I stepped aside. Kid went back with his father. Where he belongs."

She simply stared at him, trying not to see his point.

"You think I'm stupid?" he continued, running a hand through his hair. "Look at that girl. If it wasn't obvious by her looks, there's still the fact that she's too old to belong to anyone but me. I get it, okay? But she's  _mine_." _  
_

"Never," Beth said at once, setting a hand over the squirming baby's stomach. "She's _ours_. You can't take her away."

"Uncle Shane? Mommy was looking for you," called a soft voice. Beth watched warily as the little girl -- Meghan -- attached herself to Shane's leg. "You weren't there when we woke up."

"Go tell her I'll be right there," he murmured, crouching down and nudging her back the way she came.

"Is everything okay?" she wondered, reaching out to squish his cheeks between her hands.

"Just fine, Bunny," he said with a chuckle, moving her hands aside and swinging her up into his arms. He gave Beth a hard look. "I was just talkin' to Bethie, is all. See that baby? She was born after the turn, just like your little brother will be. Nothing bad happened to her mama, either."

"I want a _sister_ ," Meghan pouted, wrapping her arms around Shane's neck and peeking out at Asskicker from under long, dark lashes. Shane gave Beth a meaningful look.

"Looks like you got one," he said quietly, drifting away with the girl still in his arms. Beth closed her eyes as she heard her question him and sighed in relief when he said he hadn't meant anything by it.

"That's gonna be trouble," she said softly, lifting Asskicker out of her basket bed. She changed the girl's diaper and tried to appease her with stale crackers while she waited for Lori to wake up. Beth knew well enough how exhausting crying yourself to sleep could be, and knowing what the other woman had been through in the past few days made Beth far more inclined to let her sleep in. "We gotta stay quiet for Mama," Beth cooed, wiping drool off of the baby's chin before it could get on her clean shirt. "Maybe when she wakes up, we can all go outside."

Beth looked up to see Andrea step into the cell. "We could actually use some help around here, if you're up to it," the woman said wryly, not bothering to keep her voice down. "We've been going on so many runs lately, trying to stock up for winter. This stuff is kind of piling up. Lilly needs help organizing it. Laundry duty is also open, and I think Rick's garden could use some workers, too."

"As long as the four of us are together," Sophia yawned, sitting up and stretching. Andrea's eyes softened.

"Not you, sweetheart. I talked to dumb and dumber. You're off the hook until that ankle is all better," she said with a smile.

"Dumb and dumber?" Beth asked.

"Rick and Shane. The three of us run this place," she explained. "And on that note, I would suggest that you come to me, if you need anything. They're good guys, Rick especially, but this is kind of... well. I'm sure you don't need me to explain it to you."

"No," she agreed, exchanging a glance with Sophia.

"Great. So, wake up sleeping beauty and scoot on over to the lobby. Lilly's already over there."

Beth watched the older woman go with shrewd eyes while Sophia leaned down to pepper kisses over Lori's nose and cheeks. "Wake up, Mama Bear," she sang, giving her shoulder a gentle shove.

"I'm awake, I'm awake," Lori groaned, rolling away and, subsequently, tumbling off the mattress. She cat-stretched on the cool concrete floor and slowly blinked her eyes open. "Baby," she grunted, her eyes fluttering shut once more as she held out her arms. The sleepy command made Beth giggle, but she handed Asskicker to her mother without a word.

"We can trust Andrea," Sophia said thoughtfully. "She doesn't like us very much. Especially not Lori. I think she likes Mister Grimes. But we can trust her."

They didn't question her. Sometimes, Sophia just  _knew_ things. Like whether or not there was danger around, or if there would be good hunting in a particular direction, or whether or not it was safe to approach the group in the distance. (The answer to the last was almost always  _no_ , but there had been a time, near to Asskicker's birth, that she'd advised them to introduce themselves to a wandering trio. They'd offered the antibiotics that saved Lori's live.)

It was for this reason that the girl was dragged with them to the lobby despite having been excused from all work. Beth was also a little leery of leaving the girl back in the cell all on her own -- she knew well enough how restless Sophia could be, and Daryl had told her to keep them all together. Besides, Asskicker needed someone to watch her and Beth just felt  _better_ with that familiar freckled face in sight. Especially when working in close quarters with a woman Beth was sure had been sleeping with the enemy. Looking at her made it so tough for her to push thoughts of Shane and his words out of her mind.

"So, we're putting food right here for T-Dog and Axel to carry into the pantry, clothes go in this pile to be sorted at a later time, tools and weapons go to the armory with Rick, and odds and ends are put in this pile for Hershel to catalog. Got it?" Lilly asked, a strained smile on her face as she looked between Beth and Lori. Beth gave a short nod and began to sort through the boxes and bags that littered the floor around them, angling herself so that she could watch Sophia and Asskicker while she worked.

She also kept an eye on Lori, who seemed happy to have something to do with her hands, and on Meghan, who was watching Sophia and Asskicker with curious eyes. The young girl was creeping closer and closer to the pair, a doll clutched tightly in her arms. Eventually, she drew near enough for Sophia to look up, arms curling protectively around their youngest as she regarded the stranger's child.

"Whatchya got there?" she asked, apparently deciding that she liked the girl. Beth frowned as she watched them interact, trying to decide whether or not her friend knew of Meghan's connection to Shane. She'd been asleep during the man's visit, but Beth was sure Sophia had to know. Lori certainly did -- Beth didn't miss the looks Lilly and Lori were shooting each other, one as wary as the other.

The whole situation made her nervous, especially when Lori struck up a tentative conversation with the stranger. Throughout the morning, they chatted as they worked, their smiles growing more genuine with each passing hour. Beth had to admit that Lilly seemed nice enough. She was a loving mother, and that alone gave her a small space in Beth's heart.

They learned a lot about her. She spoke freely of her past and only slightly less freely of her present. Beth's suspicions were confirmed -- she was pregnant with Shane's child, only two or three months along. The man was excited to be a father and was already adored by Meghan, which was really no surprise. Beth had seen the way he was with Carl at the farm and Meghan just this morning.

It didn't make her any less suspicious of him. If anything, she'd prefer it if he were a bit  _less_  devoted. It would certainly make her life easier, but from what Lori had said of him during their time away, Beth took him to be a determined man.

"Beth?"

She smiled at the hesitant tremor in his voice, still so familiar to her ears. He'd sounded just the same when he first asked her out on a date. _Beth? Mind walkin' with me for a minute?_

She hadn't. Not at all.

"Yeah, Jimmy?" she asked, looking over her shoulder for the source of the voice. He was standing behind her, a good amount of distance between them, and Beth's smile dimmed when she realized the hesitation in his voice was from fear of harm and not rejection. She remembered that she'd tried to stab him. "I'm real sorry about that," she said again, looking down at her feet.

"It's alright," he said after a moment. "I wanted to know... where we stood," he explained, pulling off his hat and rubbing at the back of his neck. "I didn't know what to do when we were separated. I hoped... Shoot, Beth, I don't know."

She looked into his fine gray eyes, the cut of his jaw. She saw the boy she'd grown up with. The man she'd admired, from near and far. She wondered if it was normal to feel nothing for him.

"There's nothing left," she said gently. "Of us, I mean. We're practically strangers."

He nodded slowly, his mouth twisting into a frown. Beth tried to remember what it had been like to kiss him. She remembered  _warm, soft, happy_. "I didn't forget about you," he said solemnly.

Beth didn't know if she'd forgotten him. She certainly hadn't been thinking about him, but the same could be said of her father and Maggie. She hadn't  _forgotten_ anybody. Her focus had been on the pack. On Daryl.

"You can forget me, now," she replied, turning back to her work. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Lori watching them.

"What if I don't want to?" he asked softly. Beth stilled, her eyes going to Sophia for support. Even if the girl couldn't hear their words, Beth was sure she would know what was going on. A spike of indignation shot through her when she saw that her friend was still distracted by Meghan, and that Carl had joined them, too. She was on her own.

"It's time to move on, Jimmy," she said, forcing her body to move again as she continued her work.

"Have you?"

His words froze her again, and Beth shut her eyes as flashes of skin-on-skin and  _Beth, I..._  flickered across her memory. She remembered the smell of damp earth and pine and something else -- something sweet and dizzying that still hung in her hair.

"I have," she said resolutely, giving a little nod. She straightened out when she realized she'd paused, hunched-over in front of the box. A glance over her shoulder told her that he was still an acceptable distance away, upset but not angry. Not dangerous. She turned to face him again, setting her hands on her hips. "I didn't forget you, either. You were good to me and I cared about you. But you weren't there. There was no telling if you'd ever be there again. I moved on."

He nodded again, saying, "With him?" Beth didn't have to ask who he meant. "He your boyfriend, now?"

 _Boyfriend_. The word startled her.

"He's my _something_ ," she said uncertainly, shaking her head as she tried to apply the word to their man.  _Boyfriend_. It seemed inadequate, somehow. Didn't -- could never -- express all the things he was to her. All the things he was to their pack.  _Boyfriend_  didn't account for Sophia and Lori and little Asskicker, and in a way, they were just as much a part of it as Beth was. She shook her head again. "If you'd been there, you would understand. The pack... they're everything to me. And he's everything to the pack."

"Everything to Lori Grimes?" he shot back, his voice not cruel or derisive, but  _concerned_. She should've known. Jimmy didn't have a mean bone in his body.

"Yes," Beth agreed. Jimmy silently regarded her, his expression hard and unyielding.

"You're right. I don't understand," he said at last, bobbing his head. "Maybe I'd think differently if I could see it through your eyes, but right now, all I know... Well, you're breaking your daddy's heart, Beth. What you do with your pack ain't my business, but how it affects Hershel is. That man's treated me like his own since this started, and I don't like to see him hurtin'. I know you can't like it much, either."

"I don't," she murmured, her eyes moving again to where Sophia was laughing with Carl and Meghan, Asskicker still squirming in her lap. "But my first concern is for the pack. When things are settled with them, I'll fix things with Daddy. But not before."

"Alright, that's it for this batch," Lilly called. Beth turned to see the woman lifting a laundry basket onto one hip. "Are you ladies ready to head outside and do some washing?"

Beth was just happy to escape the gloomy prison and the stifling, funeral-like atmosphere that seemed to have soaked into the very foundation of the place. Outside, the sun was bright and warm. Lilly spread out a blanket for Sophia and Asskicker to sit on. Carl joined them, and with a startled jolt, Beth realized that Asskicker was his  _sister_. She remembered her words from back at the farm.  _A cub of the pack_. Is that was Carl was?

Beth worked mechanically through her basket of dirty clothes, washing each item vigorously without looking to see what it was. Before she knew it, she and Lilly were hanging up a long, yellow sheet on the clothesline. Lori was somewhere beyond them, hidden by the swathes of sopping fabric. Beth could only see her scuffed-up boots, and occasionaly her hands as she leaned down to pick up another piece of clothing from the basket.

"Bee! Bee bee!"

"Big Bear!"

Beth turned at Asskicker and Sophia's shouts. Sure enough, Daryl was at the gate. There was someone else standing beside him, both laden down with the day's kill but still eyeing the gate as thought they might try scaling it before too long. Sasha and Axel were already hurrying forward to open it up.

"Looks like he brought someone back with him," Lori murmured, from behind the pair of jeans that hid her from Beth's view. _  
_

"That's Michonne," Lilly supplied, smiling brightly. "I wondered when she'd be back! We were all starting to worry about her."

Lori leaned around the jeans to share a meaningful look with Beth, and together, they turned to watch him stomp a warpath across the prison green, not even pausing when he swept past them. Michonne wandered by at a steadier pace, and she  _did_ stop, her eyes landing guiltily on Lori.

"You should have said something," Sophia called, her blues eyes hateful and cold as she spoke: "Now it's too late. Don't say anything. Just leave."

 _She could've stopped it_ , Beth realized.  _She knew those men were after her and just left us to fate._ "It was...  _your_ fault," Beth gasped, her mouth hanging open, heart pounding in her throat. Angry tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. "We  _helped_ you. You just walked away!"

"Mich? What's going on?" Lilly asked uncomfortably.

"Nothing," Lori said, cutting into the conversation.

"It's not  _nothing_ ," Beth cried, fury boiling in the pit of her stomach. The more she thought about it, the more outraged she became. The reality of what had been done to Lori and how easily it could have been avoided washed over her like ice water.

"Moony," Sophia said, her tone warning. Beth's hand twitched toward her knife, heedless of the subtle shake of Sophia's head and the uncertain plea in Lori's eyes. She'd  _known it_. At the farm, watching this woman get back on her feet. She'd  _known_  it would be trouble. That her wariness was not unfounded. "Moony,  _don't_ ," Sophia said firmly, allowing Carl to help her to her feet. She limped toward her friend, hands outstretched. "Just don't, okay? Atlas left her alone. He's mad, but he left her alone. He's made this choice."

Beth didn't  _care_. She wanted to hurt things, to take her knife and gut this woman,  _revenge_. What kind of monster left other people in that kind of harm? Not a whisper, not a word of warning. She'd accepted their help and  _left_ them, even knowing what was on her trail. _  
_

"We showed you _kindness_!" she hissed, her voice shaking as she tried to reign in her anger. "We showed you  _humanity_ , you monster!"

Michonne flinched as Beth surged forward, only to brush past the stranger and fall into Sophia's arms. The girl yelped in pain as the extra weight settled on her ankle, but didn't complain in Beth's constricting embrace. She was surely aware that, if Beth's energy wasn't being used to hang onto Sophia, it would surely be used trying to kill Michonne. She was glad that, while her back was turned, the stranger took her opportunity to slip away, but Beth hung on long after she was sure she was gone.

Behind her, she could hear Lori trying to quietly explain the situation to Lilly, and hatred burned in her throat as she listened to their Mama Bear recount her ordeal. With a harsh whine of anger and anxiety, she pushed away from Sophia, biting back a howl of rage. If there were any way to undo what had been done, Beth would take action in a heartbeat. She'd give up her own soul to erase the pain in Lori's.

Unbidden, a thought flashed through her mind.

_If we'd turned back when Daryl said, would we have gotten back in time to stop it from happening?_

Beth closed her eyes and remembered insisting on searching just a little bit longer. She'd rushed into the woods and gotten the attention of a herd. If she'd just followed Daryl back to the farm, would they be in this situation? Would they be in this strange place with these strange people? Would they have to worry about Michonne's betrayal?

 _It's not my_   _fault,_ she thought to herself, blinking away tears.  _What do I always say to Big? Some things just happen. There's nothing we can do, nothing we could have done_.

But the words could not make her forgive herself, and they certainly could not make her forgive Michonne.

"The runners are back," Lilly said, breaking the heavy silence. Beth looked around to see Rick, Shane, Maggie, and Sasha hopping out of a dusty green van. Rick wandered away immediately, leaving the others to unpack their load. Lilly sighed. "Looks like we've got some more goods to sort through."

But Beth was more focused on the way Shane's eyes immediately fell on Asskicker, who was crawling around on the blanket with Carl watching like a hawk. Just as swiftly as he glanced at her, he also looked away, apparently pleased with the scene. Beth's anger gave way to a different kind of emotion as she watched him pace toward the prison. The man looked worried, his shoulders weighted just as much as Beth had often seen Daryl's. Perhaps Shane was the Atlas, here.

"He doesn't look happy," Lilly said softly. "We better go see what happened, I suppose. We're done here, anyway."

And so Lori gathered up Asskicker and Beth gathered up Sophia, and Carl carried the blanket back, pacing somewhat awkwardly by Lori's side. "They raped you?" he asked stonily. "The men that were following Michonne?"

Beth bristled at the words. Sophia gripped her arm more tightly.

"Yes," said Lori, her voice gentle but slightly reedy, and Beth knew she wasn't the only one reigning in her emotions. They all watched as Carl absorbed the information, holding their breath as they waited for a reaction. Eventually, though, he simply nodded. Beth took it as acceptance by the way he continued to walk beside her, just a bit closer than before. What was there to say? Beth hadn't commented on it, had only reacted, and only in her heart. She didn't know what else could be done, unless the violators were placed in front of her.

Michonne had been. Beth hadn't done a damned thing.

"Kids!" Daryl called, poking his head out of the prison door. When he saw that they were already approaching, he melted back into the dark interior with a summoning jerk of his head. Beth exchanged a worried glance with Sophia. What had happened this time? When they got inside, it looked like the whole prison had gathered there in the lobby without them. The gathered inmates looked up at their arrival, eyes glittering with anxiety in the dark.

"The Governor was spotted again today," Shane growled, slamming his fist down on one of the metal picnic tables. "Close by, too. Looked like he was checking us out again."

"And who is this 'Governor'?" Lori asked, gaining a grateful glance from Daryl.

"Man who doesn't want other survivors anywhere near his little town," Shane explained. "One of his henchmen saw us here when we first moved in and tried to convince us not to settle. When we refused to leave, he tried to  _make_ us. We fought him off, but it looks like he's not done with us, yet."

"That where the head on your gate came from?" asked Daryl. Shane nodded tightly.

"Rick's idea," he said darkly. The man's absence was suddenly drawn to the group's attention. Nobody said a word about it, and after a moment, Shane continued: "During the first attack, most went for the key players. The men, of course. Some went for Sasha and Andrea. Some even went for Maggie. One of them tried to take Meg hostage, though. We decided to make an example out of him."

"More like throwing rocks at a hornet's nest, if you ask me," Sasha snapped.

"Doesn't matter much, if the hornets have already been riled up," he countered. "Besides, I think it made them think twice, for a while. This is the first time we've seen them around since we put it up. Not even Mer--"

Shane fell silent, his words seemingly caught in his throat. His eyes found Daryl's. "Your brother is with them," he said in a low voice.

Daryl looked away. "Don't have a brother," he said flatly. The silence that followed his statement proved to be too much, and Beth watched intently as he turned and fled the lobby, the prison door clanging shut behind him as he escaped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's looking like this will be about twelve chapters long. Winding down, sort of. There will almost definitely be a third installment, tentatively titled "Buckshot Knights".


	10. Settling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That strong mother doesn't tell her cub, Son, stay weak so the wolves can get you. She says, Toughen up, this is reality we are living in."
> 
> \- Lauryn Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a lot longer than usual. I was at a retreat, and then at a job interview. Should be back to normal, now.

Beth knew there was very little that Sophia hated more than idleness. It was why she'd taken to simply accepting it when her friend snapped at her for being too loud, for hovering, for breathing in her ear. Of  _course_ her temper would be short. She hadn't been allowed to run in  _months_ , and between Daryl's watchfulness and Hershel's experience in raising wily girls, there hadn't been much room for breaking the rules. Besides, Sophia wasn't one to go against her elders, especially when she knew they were  _right_.

That didn't erase the fact that she'd been just short of bedridden for almost four months. Without a proper cast, Daryl had been out of his mind worrying about her ankle healing properly. They all knew that a bad leg could mean certain death in this world.

But  _finally_ , Hershel had cleared her for takeoff. Beth was trying her best not to dance and squeal. She hoped that prison life would be a little less bleak with her favorite companion back at her side. Laundry would still be dull, of course, but it would be dull with _Sophia,_ and that made all the difference, in Beth's book.

"Calm down, Moonshine," Daryl snapped, his own reluctant smile giving away his true feelings on the subject. "Not like y'all can go back to racing each other around just yet."

"I'd still win," Sophia murmured, wiggling her toes when Hershel asked. He was still poking at her ankle with gentle fingers, a slight frown on his face.

"I want you to be very careful on this leg, Sophia," he said sternly. "Daryl did a good job resetting it, but there was never any chance of this healing perfectly."

Beth reached blindly for Daryl's hand at his words, her heart beating just a little bit faster at the confirmation of theirs fears. Maybe she'd go on like it'd never been broken. Maybe she'd never be as quick on her feet as she had been. Only time could tell for certain -- something that wasn't exactly guaranteed in this world.

"Don't look so dull," Sophia said brightly, hopping off the table and gingerly lowering her weight onto her bad ankle. The tiniest trace of discomfort shaded her eyes before she was smiling again, but it wasn't quick enough that her fellows did not notice.

"Don't  _do_ that, Scout," Daryl groaned, gripping her elbow as she tried to walk away. "If it hurts, ya better damn well say it. No use tryin'a keep it to yourself."

"Just a twinge," she insisted, waving him off. She took a few wobbling steps and then looked over her shoulder with a beaming smile. "See, Cap'n? Ship-shape."

Daryl glared, as he always did when anyone other than Beth called him something like that -- _Captain, Chief, General, Sarge_ \-- and stomped off to begin his own day. For Beth and Sophia, it was first-thing-in-the-morning. For Daryl, it was probably midday. He'd only waited around to get the verdict on Sophia's ankle. On most days, Beth was lucky is she saw him in the morning at all. He was usually in the woods by the time she woke up.

"So what are we gonna do first, partner?" Beth asked, looping her arm through Sophia's.

"Laundry," Lori said wryly, yawning as she wandered into the prison lobby. The Atlas ladies were the only ones up, plus Hershel, who had been roused for their benefit. Even with Lori's tendency to sleep an extra twenty minutes after Beth tried to get her up, they were still usually the earliest risers in the prison aside from the Atlas Bear himself.

"Not until Lilly wakes up," Sophia said with a grin. She slipped her hand into Beth's and started pulling the older girl toward the prison yard.

"Be careful on that leg, Sophia," Hershel warned as they disappeared outside.

"Careful is my middle name!" she shot back. But as the door swung shut behind them, she shot Beth a mischievous wink. "Too bad yours is Danger."

 

After Beth and Sophia helped with the laundry, they were free for the day. If Lilly had been keeping track well enough, it was a Sunday, and the prison was usually tried to do as little work as possible on Sundays, at least since Lilly had reintroduced them. Over the past four months, Beth had gotten used to spending her Sundays alternately curled up in their cell with Sophia or out in the yard, watching over Asskicker and Meghan, which was what she was doing when Daryl got back from his hunt.

"That's a big pig," Beth praised, grinning as he ambled up the gravel road with the hog slung over his shoulders.

Carl and Jimmy, who had taken to babysitting with them when they had the time, were quick to agree. Beth grinned as she watched the others fawn over the day's kill. She remembered how shy he used to get when they thanked him for hunting. Back in the early days, before they'd called themselves a pack, Daryl wouldn't even let them greet him when he came back from a hunt. He'd gotten so flustered the first few times that he'd started sneaking in backdoors and just dumping it on a table so he could disappear for a few hours and return when he thought they might've forgotten it.

Of course, they couldn't forget when their bellies would be full that night, and eventually, Daryl had just learned to live with their gratitude. Beth even thought that he'd started to appreciate the thanks for all his effort. In the months before they left their winter home for good, if he happened to come home with a particularly good haul, he'd throw it down in front of them with a grin on his face before taking his favorite seat in front of the fire and puffing up like a proud tom cat.

Today was different. Today, he brushed past Carl and Jimmy to hover protectively over Beth, Sophia, and Asskicker. "Where's Mama?" he asked, tense and unhappy.

"Probably inside with Lils," Sophia replied. "Want us to gut that for you?"

"Field dressed it," he replied, his eyes now scanning the fences. Beth followed his gaze and saw nothing out of the ordinary.

"That's dangerous," the younger girl murmured, shooting Beth a worried look.

"More than you know," he replied, eyes darkening. "Want y'all inside. Who's on watch?"

"T-Dog and Tara," Sophia said at once, easily recalling the watch schedule. "What's going on?"

He huffed at her question, his aggravation and uncertainty conveyed in a single breath. Sophia nodded once and started gathering up the blanket and toys, leaving Beth to scoop Asskicker into her arms. She paused to peck their man on the cheek before turning back toward the prison, Sophia right beside her. Casting one last glance toward Meghan, she heaved a weary sigh. "Meg, why don't you come play inside with us?" she called, holding out her hand to the stranger's child.

Meghan blinked at her, surprised by the invitation. She was used to being ignored by the older girl, by then.

"C'mon, Rabbit," Carl said, his voice teasing. "Let's go inside."

The young girl followed after Carl more readily, reaching out to catch his hand in her own. Beth was always surprised to see how Carl and Jimmy fawned over the girl, and how they'd taken to Asskicker with equal enthusiasm. She'd reluctantly accepted Carl's right to touch their baby girl -- he was her brother, after all. Lori's son. A cub of the pack. Jimmy was different, and made even more different by his adoration of Meghan.

Quite honestly, anything about that little family unsettled Beth. They were all connected to Shane, and that made them dangerous, in her books. So when Sophia and Lori became fast friends with Lilly, Beth hung back and looked on uncertainly. When Meghan started coming outside with them, Beth did her best not to snarl as the girl played with Asskicker. When Daryl started going on runs with Shane, with Tara, Beth just crossed her fingers and told herself their man could take care of himself.

She didn't know why it scared her so much. She knew that it shouldn't. She was being silly. Still, that feeling never went away, and she couldn't help but feel especially anxious when she saw one of Shane's anywhere near one of their own.

"Mama?" Sophia called, pushing open the door to the prison lobby. "Where are you?"

"Just here," Lori replied, amused. She was sitting at their usual table with Lilly just across from her. They were both holding steaming cups of broth, which was a common lunch item as the weather continued to cool. "You girls alright?"

"Big Bear got back. He seemed upset," Sophia replied, dropping the blanket near the door and hobbling over to the woman. Beth followed just after, Asskicker held tightly in her arms. Lori embraced them both, her fingers rubbing a soothing line down the back of Beth's neck. She settled down close to Lori's side and let the baby wiggle into her mother's lap. Sophia was huddled on Lori's other side, probably more for Beth's benefit than for her own.

"The usual kind of upset?" Lilly asked wryly.

"More worried," Beth supplied, finding her voice. "He told us to go inside and asked who was on watch. He should be in here in a minute. I think he just had something to say to the watch."

Beth's eyes fell automatically on Shane as he entered the room. Just as easily, Shane's eyes found Asskicker, and seeing that she was huddled safely on Lori's lap, they then skirted to Lilly, Meghan, and Carl. Beth had become familiar with that routine -- had become familiar with receiving Shane's nod of acknowledgement as he caught her staring at him.  _Yes_ , he seemed to say,  _I'm watching her. I'm not trying to hide that._ _  
_

She tried not to appreciate the gesture.

A moment later, the door burst open again. Daryl charged inside, a gust of cool air sneaking in behind him. "Got followed back. Wasn't sure, but I checked in at the tower -- used the binoculars -- two men in the woods. Maybe more. Watchin' the fence."

Beth shivered in the silence, chilled to the bone by the revelation. There had been eyes out there, watching them while Asskicker played in the open. While Sophia was _just barely_ getting back on her own two feet. While the only weapon Beth had been carrying was a short, simple knife. Unconsciously, her hand did the usual trick of sneaking its way to the handle.

"See any familiar faces?" Shane asked, the edge of a challenge in his tone. Daryl shot him a glare. He'd been as shocked as any of them to hear that Merle was a part of the Governor's militia and hadn't appreciated Shane's hints at his own possible involvement. Beth was surprised that the worst of their altercations were centered around that sore spot. She'd expected a far more explosive reunion between them, but Shane had been keeping his temper in check and Daryl did his best to ignore the man entirely, at least for the first few weeks.

Now, though, they interacted as easily as Daryl  _could_ interact. Beth had often seen them readying for runs together in easy silence, or else walking the fences, distant but still as a unit. It puzzled her, but something about the set of their man's jaw told Beth that the topic was not yet up for discussion.

"What are we going to do?" Sophia asked, darting between the intensifying stare-down that Daryl had started with Shane. "I don't know what kind of information they can take back just from watching at the fences, but we can't exactly leave them out there, can we?"

Shane's glare quickly switched from Daryl to Sophia. "Well what do you suggest?" he asked, sarcasm dripping from every word. Sophia spoke over Daryl's indignant huff.

"Action," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"We need to take them out," Rick snapped, appearing out of the shadows. "All but one. Send a message."

Daryl and Shane were already nodding in agreement, but Sophia's voice rang out among the satisfied murmurs. "We don't need a messenger," she said sharply, shaking her head. "Not for what we want to get across."

"And what is that?" Shane snarled, clearly impatient with the girl. Beth was already on her feet and advancing toward the threat when Daryl caught her around the middle to hold her back.

"That we don't tolerate bullshit," Sophia said flatly. "We need to show them that those who draw near do not draw away. If it comes close, we kill it. They don't need to hear back from their men to understand that. That we're animals first and human beings second."

The room was openly gaping at the young girl, but Beth was not surprised. Beth had gotten her  _me-and-mine-against-the-world_  attitude from listening to her friend speak on the matter, and the whole pack knew them both to be firm when it came to that creed. The rest of the inmates, however, were obviously shocked at her callousness.

"We're not  _animals_ , Sophia," Andrea said softly. Sophia's blue eyes fell on the worried blond.

"We are," she replied. "When it comes to our people, we are."

Beth leaned back against Daryl's chest and looked uncertainly around the room. All around, anxious glances were being exchanged, but Beth's eyes fell on Lori, the little girl bouncing in her lap and the slight rounding of her belly that Beth had done her best to ignore. She looked at Asskicker's chubby pink face and into the trepidation-filled eyes of Meghan Chambler, who was not their own child, but a child none the less. 

 

Sophia's words echoed in Beth's head long after her suggestion was put into action. For the next few days, Beth watched as the inmates shifted their wariness to include Sophia as well as Beth, and in her heart she wondered if they were right to fear the Angels of Atlas, as Glenn had begun to call the women of their pack. Beth knew they would stop at nothing to protect their packmates, but were they  _dangerous_? She had a hard time equating the word with her own two hands, the sharpness of her eyes. To Beth, everything she did was for  _safety_ , never for harm, but she had killed. She had look men in the eyes as her knife slid into their throat and thought nothing of it, except that Lori and Asskicker would be safe. Sophia would be safe. Their Atlas would be safe.

One evening found her alone in their cell, looking into the cracked mirror that Lori had hung on the wall. "I am dangerous," she said to her fragmented reflection. "Beth Greene is dangerous."

But the words did not fit with her name, and the more she thought about it, the more she wondered if  _anything_ could be applied to the name of Beth Greene.

"I am dangerous. Moonshine is dangerous." And this time she giggled, but the certainty was there. "I am dangerous," she said again, narrowing her eyes and looking down her nose at the girl in the mirror. She saw Sophia's cold blue gaze hidden somewhere in her own, and the girl's fearlessness, her love. "I am  _dangerous_ ," she told the mirror, leaning in until her breath fogged the broken glass.

"Finally figured that out?" Daryl asked. Beth's head whipped in his direction, and she stared for a moment, trying to judge the sincerity of his words.

"I guess I've known for a while," she said thoughtfully, deciding that he wasn't teasing her. "I just called it something else."

"What's that?"

A slow smile spread across her face. Beth stepped toward him, saying, "Loving. Loved."

His brows climbed into his hairline at the words, but he didn't try to argue. He just stared at her, and after a moment, gave a little nod. "Y'are," he agreed, and Beth didn't know if he was blushing at her starry smile or she was smiling at that beet-red blush. "Both. All three."

Beth took another step toward him. "You think I'm dangerous?" she asked. Another step closer. Another. He watched her slow approach with solemn eyes that held an answer all their own, and he didn't need to speak but he did anyway, and somehow Beth loved him even more.

"Most dangerous thing on earth," he said. "Be pretty damn scared if you weren't on my side."

Beth hummed in response, and a final step brought her near enough to rest her head on his chest. She ignored the sudden stiffness in his shoulders and brought her arms up around his waist, pressed her nose into his shirt. "Are we still holding off on that thing?" she murmured, breathing in damp earth and pine.

"Reckon we're settled enough," he readily replied, allowing himself to be drawn deeper into the cell, where the smell of the pack was thick and heavy. He gave easily into Beth's leading, not resisting as she drew him toward the make-shift bed they still shared. "Ought'a get our own cell," he grumbled, kicking one of Asskicker's toys out of the way while Beth moved Sophia's quiver further from where she would soon be placing her head. And Beth nodded in agreement, already knowing that it would not happen in the near future. Not with what she know, and what Daryl undoubtedly suspected.

"Big," she began, realizing that he might  _not_ be aware of certain changes within the pack. "Lori --"

"Not now," he muttered, slapping his hand over her mouth. At Beth's puzzled stare, he withdrew his hand, smiling rather more sheepishly than Beth was used to. "Not now," he repeated, and then he kissed her, and Lori was the furthest thing from Beth's mind.


	11. In the Lion's Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable."
> 
> \- Madeleine L’Engle

Beth didn't cry at the funeral. She had not known Axel well or for very long, and in her eyes, his passing was no more than a jarring reminder of their frailty.

It had been a normal supply run. Daryl and Rick had been right there, and somehow, it hadn't helped one little bit. All it had taken was one little bite -- that was all it ever took. The wound could have been from a mouse for all the blood it cost him, but he was already doomed. A bite was a bite, and he had been bitten. All they could do was bring him home, lock him in a cell, and wait for him to die. Shane made sure he didn't turn.

Beth simply watched. While the screwdriver was driven into his temple, and then while he was being lowered into that shallow grave. She watched Daryl and T-Dog pile dirt into that hole. Watched the canvas shroud disappear beneath brown earth. Only after he was well and truly buried did Beth relax, allow Asskicker out of her arms again. She'd  _seen_ how easy it was to get bitten, even with capable men watching your back. She wouldn't let that happen to the pack's child. Children.

Her eyes flickered to Lori's tired form. The now obvious swell of her belly.

They didn't talk about it, but Beth knew.

"If it isn't one thing, it's another," she said quietly, looking at the mound of fresh earth before them. The setting sun painted that dirt red, and the shade was nowhere near to that of blood, but Beth took it as an omen all the same.

"It's everything. Always," Beth replied, trying to keep the sulk out of her tone. She knew what Lori meant. The threat of the Governor had lessened in the past months, but they still felt his presence hanging over their heads even without the scouts that had once plagued them. In her eyes, she could still blame the elusive man for Axel's death. Though they hadn't seen many of his scouts in the kill-on-sight order had been given nearly two months before, the inmates were still galvanized by the fear of him. They were stocked for winter already, but Shane had wanted to be stocked for  _war_.

They wouldn't have been on that run if it hadn't been for the Governor. Beth held onto that. Held onto the ability to  _blame_ someone. Sometimes, she pretended the very presence of walkers was the Governor's fault.

One by one, the inmates retreated into the prison for the night. Beth and Lori remained by the grave, Asskicker clutched tightly in the younger's arms. She thought about dying, and how easily some unseen face could gun her down where she stood. The oppressive heat lessened as the sun went down, but Beth's skin still burned with a different kind of heat. Fear was churning in her belly, molten and unsure.

"I love you," she murmured, pressing a kiss to Asskicker's forehead. She was afraid, and she loved Asskicker. She loved Sophia and Lori. Loved Daryl. "I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

The baby babbled happily and tugged on a lock of her hair. Lori wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Bethie?"

Beth turned to see her father standing nearby, looking as though he still hadn't decided whether or not he wanted to disturb them. "Yes, Daddy?" she asked, frowning when her voice came out a little flat.

"I should get this girl inside," Lori sighed, lifting Asskicker out of Beth's arms and giving her a stern, meaningful look. Hershel watched her go, waiting to speak until she was long out of earshot.

"I'm worried for you, Bethie," he said gently, taking Lori's place beside her. Without Asskicker to hold onto, Beth wrapped her arms around herself, feeling small and cold and very much like a child. "I'm worried for all of us. Today has shown us more than anything how little time we can have left. I don't want to spend that time wondering if you'll ever come back to your family. I don't want  _you_ to spend that time...."

She frowned when he trailed off, guessing correctly what he'd been about to say.

"I'm here, Daddy, and I'm not going anywhere. Neither is the rest of my family," she said stiffly.

Hershel was silent for a moment, weighing his options. Eventually, he seemed to decide on pressing for the most important answers and forgoing the usual attempts at polite conversation. "Lori is pregnant. I know you're involved with Daryl. Is she?"

Beth wanted to be angry. Instead, she shook her head, resigned. "The baby isn't his," she said harshly, shivering in the cool evening breeze. There was no reason to lie to her father. Perhaps they shouldn't have in the first place, but there was a part of Beth that she had kept hidden from the others. A part that had never wanted to find her family in the first place. "Asskicker isn't his, either," she said at last. "We didn't want anyone butting in. We like our pack the way it is. We don't need anyone else trying to make claims."

Even as the words left her mouth, she realized she was talking about more than Shane. Hershel seemed to realize it, too.

"Nobody is trying to make claims, Bethie," he insisted. "I just want my daughter back."

"But you  _are_ ," she huffed, turning away from the earnest expression on his face. "You're trying to put Daryl's claim on Lori or me. There's no _claim_ , Daddy. It just  _is_ , and maybe there will be a day when they're involved. Maybe there won't. But whatever happens, it isn't your place to come in and try to mediate. If it doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother Lori, and it doesn't bother him, then why should it bother anyone else?"

"What about that girl's real father? What about  _your_ father? What about Carl and Rick?" he asked, a stormy expression on his usually kind face. "There's more to the world than you and your  _pack_ , Beth!"

Beth wrapped her arms tighter around herself. "There really isn't," she replied. And she wanted to be mad, but all she could do was flee, tears stinging in her eyes and bile rising in her throat. She wasn't mad. She was  _sick_. Sick of living with all these people with conflicting wants and flashing eyes, watching watching watching. Sick of watching Shane and Daryl go on runs together. Sick of seeing Meghan and Carl play with Asskicker. Sick of Sophia and Lori making friends with Lilly, with Maggie, with Sasha, with Jimmy.

Sick.

Beth lurched to a halt in behind Rick's make-shift tool shed, folding over to rest her hands on her knees as she choked up her dinner. Broken sobs echoed around her as she sank to the ground, pulling her knees up against her chest and setting her back against the shed. Her nerves had been fried ever since they first saw the prison. Even spending a minute away from the pack could set her teeth on edge and end in disaster. She could talk to Hershel and Maggie and all the other inmates without a problem as long as Asskicker was in her arms, or Lori was at her side, or Sophia's soft, warm hand was in hers, fingers twined together and palm pressed firmly into palm. But as soon as she was alone... Beth broke down. She stuttered. She folded in on herself.

"I am  _dangerous_ ," she murmured, her voice thick. The words seemed more true than ever, but now she was starting to see different connotations behind the word. Not dangerous in the way a mother wolf would be. No, dangerous like a rabid dog, liable to bite at even the kindest of souls. She wasn't protecting anything. She was just crazed. Demented. "I'm losing it," she whispered. "Oh, Atlas... what do I do?"

But Daryl wasn't there. Beth was glad. She didn't want him to see her acting like a sniveling fool. She picked herself up, dusted off her jeans, and headed toward the prison, where there would hopefully be some more broth to soothe her churning belly.

It took a conscious effort, but she didn't wrap her arms around herself as she edged into the prison lobby. A few people looked up as she slipped inside, but most quickly averted their eyes. Maggie was the exception, but she soon lost interest, too. For a moment, Beth remained at the edge of the room, taking in the bubble of happiness before her. Lilly and Lori were putting a puzzle together with Meghan, their hands resting almost identically over their bellies. Carl and Rick were cleaning guns together in the corner of the room, both smiling as they talked. Jimmy was sitting with Sasha and Tyreese's group, telling some kind of joke. Maggie, Glenn, and Andrea were trying to cheer up Oscar and Big Tiny, consoling them on the loss of Axel.

There was just one face Beth was missing. She didn't need broth -- she needed  _Sophia_. Only she would understand the snarls in Beth's mind and heart. Only she could untangle those gossamer webs, too fine to even be glimpsed by Daryl's weathered eyes. With a rush of longing, Beth hurried toward the cell block, knowing that the girl must be putting Asskicker to bed. Sure enough, she could hear the baby's happy coos as she crept further into the darkened space.

And it was no Sophia, but Shane who was rocking the child in their arms. Beth froze, hidden in the shadows and unable to force herself past her fear and into action. Her joints were locked, muscles clenched, and the only thing that seemed to be moving was her heart, which was beating faster than ever before. She could only watch as Shane brushed his knuckles over Asskicker's cheek with the ghost of a smile on his face.

Her pulse quieted, but she still could not find it in herself to move. Shane would not harm Asskicker -- she knew that. She'd known it for a long time. Shane would not harm Asskicker and Beth couldn't even remember why she'd ever been afraid of him. But that fear was quickly replaced by loss, resignation, despair. There was a feeling deep inside her -- one that had been growing ever since they'd arrived at the prison.

It was in that moment that she realized their little pack was no more. The sight of Shane holding their cub cemented it in her mind. The pack was no longer needed -- at least, not by the rest of them. Asskicker had her real father and Lori had her son. Even Sophia and Daryl had acclimated well. Beth was the only one who still clung to their make-shift family, fighting tooth-and-nail against echos and ghosts.

Beth turned away planning to flee far and fast, only to crash into a Daryl's chest before she'd even taken a step. He caught her in his arms before she could fall back, but the impact still winded her. She was still breathless as she watched Daryl's eyes flick upward - over her shoulder - and then back to her face, guilt and worry written in his features. And she knew Daryl was not surprised to see Shane in their cell. Was not surprised to see Asskicker cradled in his arms like she  _belonged_ there.

"S'his daughter, Moonshine," Daryl mumbled, something like resignation in his voice. Beth jerked away from him, mouth hanging open as she stood back to stare at this stranger - because the Daryl she knew would never give up his own. Never.

"She's yours.  _Ours_ ," Beth stressed, searching the man's eyes for a trace of the Atlas that had held them together for so long. But Daryl shook his head, refused to meet her eyes.

"No, Moonshine," he said quietly, the words no more than a croak. "Not anymore."

It was too much. Beth's stomach was roiling, her head spinning - lights were popping in her eyes. She could no longer hear Daryl's words over the ringing in her ears, and she was swaying. Keeling over. Gasping for breath.

The last thing she heard before the lights went out was the sound of Sophia's voice, high and clear through the fog: "The baby's coming! Hurry!"

 

There was grief, thicker than the air she breathed. She was choking on it. Struggling to swallow it down. And there was anger, burning in her gut and bubbling up in her throat. There was the smell of blood and vomit, and Beth was looking down at Lori's pale, still face. Her brown eyes were wide and staring, and the glassy fog of death was already diluting the warmth that Beth had always loved them for.

"Mama," she choked, reaching toward her friend and finding herself unable to actually touch her. It was almost as though she was being physically restrained, but Beth knew she was very much alone. Alone with Lori's body.

The sound of a newborn's cry made her turn, and through the dense cloud of her grief, Beth could make out the sad, wriggling form of a baby lying in the grass. She knew, even without truly seeing the child, that it was Asskicker. Once again, Beth reached forward and found herself unable to draw nearer. She tried to cry out, but the words stuck in her throat. Her feet would not move. Her hands would not lift from her sides. All she could do was watch as Asskicker's movements grew sluggish - more and more with each passing second.

Eventually, she moved no more.

And Beth heard Daryl's voice as if from very far away. When she turned to the sound, there was nothing but blackness, deeper than night. "She's breathing," he was saying. And she could hear her father agreeing, and Shane's shuddering sigh.

"He's breathing. Strong and easy."

"Oh, god..."

"He's fine, son."

Beth shook her head and fought through the darkness, her feet dragging as though held down by thick, boggy mud. "She's not!" Beth cried, panting from exertion. "She's not breathing! You have to help her! Atlas! Daddy! She's not breathing!"

She didn't know if she was talking about Lori or Asskicker or both. She just knew that her heart was beating quick and frantic, and that every moment they spent in denial was another moment her packmates spent in death. But she was going in circles - or nowhere at all - and there was no end to the darkness in sight. And something - vines, or maybe sea monsters - were grabbing at her ankles, tripping her up and slowing her down.

" _Daryl!_ " she sobbed, falling down on her knees. Her hands were numb when she twisted them into the dirt beneath her. "Please, help her!"

But the dark remained dark, and her sorrow would not let her rise again. A sense of loss, deep and profound, struck her to the core.

"The baby's gone," she said, the words catching on her tongue. Her breath hitched, then came out in a whoosh of broken sobs and hot tears. "The baby's gone," she repeated, shaking her head. "The baby - baby's gone... gone...."

"No," Sophia said softly, soothingly. "No, Moony. The baby's fine." Beth felt Sophia's warm hand slip into her own. "He looks just like Asskicker did. Except with a... well, you know. Come and see."

And Beth was suddenly aware of other sounds - sounds of life and joy. The angry bawl of a child. Laughter.

Beth opened her eyes.

"Are you feeling better?" Sophia asked, tucking a stray lock of Beth's hair behind her ear. "You were out for a while. Through all Lilly's screaming."

Beth stared up at Sophia's face and found herself blinking tears out of her eyes. "I dreamed..." she whispered, letting her eyes fall shut again. "That Lori... Asskicker... You weren't there."

"I'm here, now," Sophia assured her. "So are the rest of us. Come see the baby, Beth. Please?"

She allowed Sophia to pull her to her feet. Someone had laid her down on their bed - probably Daryl - but he was gone, now. Beth just followed Sophia, the younger girl's hand clenched tightly in her own. And Sophia led her to Shane and Lilly's cell, where the rest of the inmates were gathered outside. The crowd seemed to part for her, as always. They liked to give her a wide berth, and Beth didn't blame them.

She was dangerous. Dangerous in all the wrong ways.

"You're up," Lori said brightly, catching Beth's free hand. Asskicker was balanced carefully on her hip. Beth could have cried at the sight of them, but instead, she just gave them each a kiss on the cheek.

"I am," she agreed, wanting to continue staring at them but at the same time fearing that she would be suddenly thrown back into that dark dreamworld. She focused on what was going on behind the bars, where her father was sitting with Lilly and Shane. His hand was on Lilly's forehead, and he was frowning. It looked as though he was about to say something when Shane spotted her.

"Beth," he said firmly, his eyes flickering toward Lilly. The two exchanged a short glance, and then he lifted the newborn out of her arms. Beth watched warily as he approached, making note of the way the crowd parted as easily for him as it had for her. Soon enough, she was standing alone with Shane in front of her, his gray eyes seeming to bore into her soul. He was placing his son in her arms, and mechanically, Beth held out her arms to recieve him. Before she could even comprehend what was happening, the child was in her arms, squirming like the Asskicker from her dreams and mewling just as loudly. Shane didn't move away from her, but gripped her arms, pulling her almost to his chest in what Beth vaguely recognized as a hug.

"What are you...."

"I'm not trying to take anything from you, Beth," he said fiercely, his fingers curling more tightly around her arms. "We're all a family here. And Asskicker is yours. She's mine, too. Daryl's. Ours, alright? You were right. Ours."

Beth stared down at the baby in her arms. Sophia had been right. He looked just like Asskicker had when she was born. Beth was surprised to find that the fact didn't change anything. She wanted nothing to do with it.


	12. No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living."
> 
> \- Marcus Tullius Cicero

Beth took a deep breath and closed her eyes, one hand pressed tightly over her mostly-flat belly. Under her hand, she felt her own heartbeat ticking and the rise and fall of each of her breaths. But she tried to feel past that. She squeezed her eyes shut more tightly and grit her teeth, her breath coming in uneven pants that she might've called sobs, if she were being honest with herself.

And she was trying to be. Trying to be honest, because it was time she admitted out loud what she had known for several weeks, now.

"Hi, baby," she whispered, a tear leaking down her cheek. She let out a deep, shuddering breath and imagined she could feel another softer, smaller heartbeat ticking in time with her own. "I know you're there. I know."

"Moony?"

Beth's eyes flashed open, but she didn't dare look at Sophia. Couldn't bring herself to meet the other girl's eyes.

"Don't at so surprised," she said instead, choking out a stunted laugh.

Sophia's arms came around her, and she felt the younger blonde's lithe form press against her back. Those archer hands rested over Beth's belly, gentle and protective and  _strong_. Neither of them spoke, but no more tears fell down Beth's cheeks as Sophia peppered soft kisses on her shoulder.

 

It was later - the sun was sinking down, and baby Richy was already tucked down in Lilly and Shane's cell. Beth was sitting between Sophia and Lori at their usual table, and Daryl was on Sophia's other side, Asskicker's limp, sleeping form cradled in his arms. There was a warm, sleepy silence in the lobby. For the first time in quite a while, Beth was feeling at ease. Safe. The faces around her were familiar and kind - even her sister and father were nearby, looking no worse for wear.

She realized that she had everything she could ever want.

With a secretive smile on her face, she leaned her head on Lori's shoulder and closed her eyes, letting the atmosphere lull her to sleep. The hushed voices around her turned into a lullaby as she drifted off.

"We haven't seen them in a while," Shane was saying, sounding optimistic. "Maybe we ought'a send out a few, see if there's any meat to bring in. Safe enough, right? They're done with us."

"I reckon," Daryl replied, voice wary but even. "Maybe... me and Scout'll go hunt somethin' down."

"I'd go with, but Rick..."

"I'll watch him," Andrea volunteered. "You and Sophia shouldn't be out there all alone. Shane knows the area better than anyone."

"Alright," Daryl readily agreed. "Dawn tomorrow, then?"

"You got it."

 

Beth rose well before dawn to see Daryl and Sophia off with sleepy kisses. When Asskicker started to fuss, she took the girl out into the prison yard to keep from waking the others. Lilly was already out there with Richy and Meghan in tow, and for a moment, Beth warred with herself. She did not want to speak to the woman - but Lilly was  _family_ , now. The inmates had become a part of her pack, even if they weren't quite Atlas, yet.

"Good morning," Beth called quietly, alerting the woman to her approach. Lilly turned - timid and suspicious but still friendly.

"Hello, Beth," she replied, smiling wryly when Asskicker wailed her own greeting. "And hello, Judy. How are you girls today?"

"Fine, thank you," Beth said crisply, sitting down in the cool, dew-dropped grass. Lilly's confused look told her she'd been a little  _too_ crisp. She tried to smile to soften the words, but the damage had already been done. "How are you?" she asked instead, her eyes darting to Richy and then quickly away. "And how is he?"

"Fussy for no good reason," she laughed.

Frustrated with the stilted conversation, Beth resigned herself to sitting in silence, trying to remember what she'd talked about with her friends before the world had moved on. There had been endless chatter - she knew that much. But somehow, she couldn't seem to recall what the chatter had been  _about_. Even with Sophia, Beth found that she rarely had anything too interesting to say. Their time together was filled with looks and touches, but very few words. _  
_

Beth ached for the girl at the thought, looking longing toward the fence and the woods beyond it.

It took her a moment to comprehend what she was seeing.

"Lilly," she breathed, staring in horror at the figures moving toward the fence. Not walkers - no, they shambled and tripped. These figures, these  _men_ walked gracefully, with purpose. Straight toward her fence. They had her in sight.

Lilly's eyes went wide and fearful. "Meghan," she said sharply, and the girl came at her call. "Stay close to me."

Together, the two woman darted toward the nearest building, their charges in tow. The first shot rang out, a crack and a  _ping_ and dust kicking up at their heels. "Hide!" Lilly panted, pushing them into the twisting passages of the tombs. "Run. I have to warn the others. Stay safe and hidden.  _Please_."

The last word was directed at Beth, the older woman's eyes dark and desperate.

"I've got them," Beth said, only to balk as Richy was thrust into her arms. For a moment, Beth was afraid she'd drop him. Then Lilly was twisting her sling around Beth's torso, and the little boy was tucked against her stomach while she struggled to support Asskicker on her hip.

"Go," Lilly commanded, turning away from Beth as more gunshots rang out across the yard. She heard the shouts of the other inmates, and then Lilly's voice as she disappeared. "Tara!" she called, but then the sounds were cut off as the door snapped shut, leaving Beth and her three young charges in darkness.

Meghan began to cry. Judith soon followed.

"It's okay," Beth breathed, grabbing the little girl's hand and dragging her deeper into the tombs. Most of it was clear, now - but the odd walker still seemed to find it's way in, and Beth didn't want any accidents. Not today, when she could already taste the blood in the air. And her mind was on other things. On Daryl and Sophia, out in the woods. On Lori, probably still asleep in their cell. Beth felt panic creeping up in her throat, and she wanted desperately to return to the surface - to find Lori and make sure the woman was alright.

But Asskicker pressed closer to her, and Richy snuffled against her chest, and Meghan's stifled cries echoed eerily around them. Beth led them deeper, now searching for the path Sophia had showed her not too long ago, when they'd been exploring the tombs together. There was another way out of the prison - a back way that would lead to the woods, and a hill that she could see the prison yard from. Beth knew they'd be safe there, and maybe... maybe she could find a place to leave the children. Somewhere high up or secret. She could go back, just to make sure...

She knew there would be no leaving them behind.

"Where are we going?" Meghan sobbed, slowing slightly as Beth struggled to drag her along.

"Just a little further. We're going outside," she said soothingly, breathing a sigh of relief as she found the door she'd been looking for. Beth pushed it open and peered cautiously into the sunlight. Two walkers were milling around, but she was certain they could dodge them and get away. "We're going to run. I need you to keep up," she whispered to the girl, keeping a tight grip on her sweaty, slippery hand.

And they ran.

Meghan screamed when the first walker lurched toward them, and Beth gasped in horror as she saw several more awaken at the sound of prey.

"Run!" she urged, yanking the girl toward the break in the fence. "Run! Faster! This way!"

And they ran. They ran and ran and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end. I'm a little disappointed by it, too. I left it alone for too long and lost the feel for it.
> 
> But it turns out there IS going to be a third installment in this wack-o little series. Stay tuned - it'll be better than this chapter. I promise.


End file.
